Unnecessary Glorification

You know how it is, there is one good article/ one picture and it gets circulated. A Lot. on facebook, via whats app, via mail, via e-anything. So a simple picture becomes 'Glorified'

 Here it is.

 I saw it, and was very uncomfortable, but I let it go and didn't 'Like' it. It comes up on another Media outlet and before I know it, that one day, I see it every where.

And I kept growing more and more uncomfortable.

 And here is why

 To me, the picture signifies the following

1. The lady has a smile on her face while multi-tasking.

Seriously show me one person who can handle all the stuff without whining. Kids or no kids. It is unrealistic representation of a person. It makes it seem its okay to do all this and if you are not smiling- Shame On you.

 2. She looks more like a sacrificial lamb to me.

It makes whatever the lady is doing 'single handedly' look OK. And I want to stand up and shout. ITS NOT.

3. The guy below the lady has a 'Exclamation' on his head.

Seriously?? What is he amazed at how much the lady can do? Is he amazed that he has two hands which are useless. What?

It's images like these which seem regressive to me.

Yes on any given moment, like all of us, I wear multiple hats. May be of a parent, a corporate executive, a girl, a cook. But so does my husband. How about we create an image to glorify him? The father, a co-parent whose work generally goes un-noticed or un-glorified!

It's images like these which seem like they are judgmental.

I don’t think I do half of the things that a 'good mother' is supposed to.  I think I have ironed Sumit's shirts a total of 3 times in our time together. Does that make me a bad wife? 

I think not.

It's images like these that I NEVER want to show my girls. Never

Dating of a different kind. Really?

A not so new concept- Girl friends
A not so new concept- Mom Friends

A revelatory concept to me- Mom Dating

No I dont mean 'dating' in its true sense. But mom dating.

Let me elaborate:

Kids have play dates. You schedule these really (really) hoping that you get along with the moms. If you do next steps is play dates as a family. And now you really (really) hope that dad's, if siblings exist all get along well. This whole thing is what I call 'Mom Dating'. And if the family gets along well, chances are you will move to the next step- Get sitters for the kids and the parents go out together for dinner/ drinks/ concerts whatever catches their fancy.

 Hence my revelatory concept: Moms scheduling play dates for their kids in order to 'date' other moms.

This dating is completely different: Its more for moms to have mom-time without feeling like moms. Its for moms to have talk about more things than just 'ballet classes, reading levels and latest kids fad'. But there is no rolled eyes, if you include the 'latest spillage that the kid had on your purse' while you were talking about the NAS Sale.

Kids are likely in similar age group- you will have similar issues at hand, similar victories at hand and above all- for moms, similar frustrations.

This dating becomes imperative. Kids have a good time (They are not in your hair). You have a good time (Since you can let your hair down). See its a win-win situation

In complete disclosure, Have I done the above? May be but without being aware of it. So far its been one of three things for me:

1. We were friends first and so the kids automatically hung out together all the time.

2. If my friends didnt have kids we still hung out all the time, and the kids played with aunts fav. teddy bear.

3. Kids were friends first (or as my 5 year old would say 'She is my BEST friend ever') and the moms hung out enough to realize there is more to us than ferrying the kids around between activities and cursing traffic!

Hence Mom Dating, tread lightly, you don’t want to be a stalker!

The simplicity of it all

Things are wired differently between men and women. I know, I should know it, it’s been said over and over again, but somehow it strikes me now, men and women are different in the simplest of things.

Case in Point: Planning a dinner.

To continue our girls night evenings, a friend sent an email a week before with time and venue.

The chicas replied one after the other whether they could make it or not. If they would be late or bummer something is up. This was in general followed by text to reflect: 'How Exciting, cant wait!' This includes yours truly of course. It just feels natural.

Come day of the event, a gentle reminder is sent out.

As usual we meet, have a gala of a time. Relax, chillax, catch up and feel refreshed. Some girl time is needed. Very much needed.

The next day, a slew of emails follow thanking the organiser, saying until next time or more simply, 'Can't wait for next time!'

This includes yours truly of course. It just feels natural.

Now, how does this relate to men planning a dinner, you ask? Here is your answer. Boy's Night

The same day, the spouses realised the wives are out. Hmm. What a perfect evening to spend time with the boys.

A text goes out from guy 1 to the other: Dinner, my place. Maggi and some drinks, Poker, come whenever. This text then gets forwarded and send again to others in the gang. Plan done, simple.

Icing on the cake:

Hubby S: Dinner, my place tonight. X and Y are confirmed.

Friend A: Sure, what time

Hubby S: 7:00

Friend A: Will be there, who is this?

Hubby S: haha, love the spirit. This is Sumit.

I was stumped by the simplicity of how men planned the same evening. I asked hubby, 'How the hell can your plans be so simple' 

He looks at me stumped and says: 'It just feels natural.'

This is it...

More than the Friday's there is one day, rather one evening I look forward to the most nowadays: My Wednesday evenings... They mark the beginning of new traditions- It is a mid week break for all the girls to meet up, chill, catch up, giggle, laugh, be obnoxious, gossip and bitch! Perfect girl’s night. Three weeks in a row... we are on with this. And yes, we return to work the next day with red eyes and caffeine in our systems. But its so worth it.
It’s nothing fancy... it can be ordered in food, or leftover food from the night before or a nice restaurant. What's important is that we meet up. Let our hair down and have a blast. We have had our kids in the next room, hubbies coming in early to pick up the kid before the wild conversations begin. It does not matter. What matters is - We meet up.
Does it get boring? Probably you have not hung out with enough girls. We always have something to say and something to giggle about! It's always fun.
I have gossiped like there is no tomorrow, I have chatted till my jaws hurt, laughed till I peed in my pants, giggled till my voice went bad, and literally 'chillaxed' with my girls.
No rules... call whoever, be wherever, do whatever.... just one thing: Leave worries away! That's my Wednesday nights now!

Girls night is about the hi-fives, the hugs, the blown kisses, the laughter, the cheering, the ooh's, aah's, aawww's and nothing beats the all knowing nod of: "I get it".

As I get dinner and other things ready for hubby and daughter to have their bonding time... I am just looking forward to one thing- My Wednesday for my bonding time with my girls!

To Wednesday's!

PS: The post is going live when I am probaly just chilling with my girls.... Go Figure!

Are you a softy or a toughie.?

Hmm, I remember my teenage, early adult hood years. I was super strong in my mind, and over all a toughie. Being a bit tom boyish, I took pride in carrying the heavy furniture around without a flinch, Yes, I did massage my sore arms in the privacy of my bubble bath. I would sit through an emotional movie and not be super sensitive about it. I would barely shed a tear, rather, I would use eat a Jalapeno and wipe away the tears calling it;- Spice Tears. But overall, I knew I was a toughie, or a may be a softy, being a toughie. Hey, single girl, foreign country, away from family. I had to be a toughie, right?
I am sure, my friends can swear by me actually enduring a bit more pain emotionally and physically, since I Do and DID believe- Tom boyish girls have more fun.
Then slowly but surely and much to my mother’s relief, I calmed down, the raging hormones, the need to defy the world, be the rebel all kinda fell into place. Mind you, I am still as opinionated as before, but just hmm a bit diplomatic/ polite about it now! (Eye Rolls welcome!)
Anyways, back to the point: After you became a mom, or settled with a significant other made you a softy?
Hmm, in my case yes! I couldn’t believe I actually screamed in a horror movie and snuck into my hubby's arm after my marriage. Whereas just a couple of years ago, I would laugh away or be the arms for my scared girl friends! After being a mom, I can’t believe how easily tears come to my eyes ( Yes still in the privacy of my room). Just recently, a colleague shared her story of her 5 year old breaking an arm in school by falling down. And just listening to her, had me misty eyed. I did comfort her, and told her things would be fine. But ran to the rest room and wiped the tears away.

Am sure, when my daughter reads this in a couple of years, she would laugh, since I am a toughie with her. I won’t easily budge by her 'I-want-this-tantrum' I actually brave it out. But, I know the minute she realizes, I am giving her extra hugs and kisses to make up for my 'toughness'.
It's finally the softy side of mine overtaking my toughness as a wife and a mother.

Has this happened to you? Or I always was a softy, just didn’t want to show it around and be vulnerable? And oh yes... what are you.. a girly girl.. or a toughie girl! Remember, under your motherhood, wifehood, working hood and ... there is still a girl!

Mid-Week breaks...

I really could get used to these! A few months ago, a girl friend of mine decided to meet mid-week.. hmm.. why, just like that- everyone needs a mid-week break we thought. A simple dinner one evening after V was asleep, we girls headed off to a neighborhood bistro, had a blast and swore to do it once a month.
It’s been fun ever since. We meet more often..And before the current mid-week break is over, we are already planning for the next one. We told more girl friends about this crazy mid-week break idea and they got hooked on. And we all know it will be a late night and we all know it’s a working day the next day! So now, it’s no longer where, what, who, why.. it’s just more of when. We know the remainder is logistics. As long as we know when, the rest will get worked out easily.
When we do meet as couples, as families, us girls would still be laughing at that stupid joke or the yummy food or that crazy server or how we were literally thrown of the restaurant since it was way past the closing time! Good Times. :-D
It’s not fancy, it’s just what a break is suppose to be. We have had dinners, pot dinners, eat what’s left over, eat what needs minimum intervention, snacking dinners, order-in dinners. Bottom line, anything and everything works provided we have the company and loads and loads of conversations and loads of giggles and some heartfelt conversations.
So the boys I think said- enough! Now, they are trying to meet up weekly, sit over there glasses and discuss business, play poker whatever. May be I will call it- Boys night! Now, we have some kick ass girl poker players. The mid-week break is now extended, its just a mid-week break for everyone! We try to meet up as often as possible, either set up the poker table, have good-bye parties for little pets, meet up to gossip, offer expert relationship advices, tease the funny accents, or even just plain old bitch!
Aaaah... such fun!

Here is to more mid-week breaks!

Note: Yes, I know next day is a working day, but the week goes by so quickly now with the mid-week break. Yes, V still sleeps 'almost' on her regular sleep times... 30-45 minutes later than normal is okay! Yes, friends accommodate by reducing volumes for a bit until V is snooze land! and Yes, thank god for coffee for me the next morning.

Another Quick Fix Recipe: Stuffed Red Peppers

This weekend we swung by our neighborhood farmers market and bought a case (read 31) red peppers for 5$. Yes people... in regular stores where one red pepper costs one dollar. In our lovely farmers marker, 31 beautiful, organic, ripe red peppers cost only 5$. I did try to convince a friend of ours to split the case... but since he was still finishing off his case from last week, so I let it go.

So now... so many red peppers and what to do.
I tried making a couple of things last night: Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup- my friend’s recipe. It was divine, Croissant/Filled puff and the following Vegetarian Stuffed Peppers.

Here is my quick fix recipe for the same... it took me twenty minutes minus baking time. And I love things which look presentable and don’t take hours to get done and of course taste "yummy in the tummy"

Vegetarian Stuffed Peppers
Ingredients
1 cup rice (Feel free to replace with quinoa/ brown rice)
4 large red bell peppers (Green is fine as well)
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 clove garlic finely chopped
1 green chilly
Spices: Salt, Pepper, Turmeric, Chilly Powder, Chilli Flakes
2-3 finely chopped tomato (or 1 can of diced tomato)
Additonal: If you like tangy.. Chaat Masala
If you like aromatic..Oregano/Basil (Dried or fresh)
Feel free to add nuts like: Pecans/ Cashews/ Almonds

Directions
For Stuffing
1. Cook rice like you normally would. I tend to drain the starch water away.
2. On a skillet, heat olive oil. Add garlic and onions. Fry until translucent.
3. Then add the chopped tomatoes and chopped green chili.
4. Add the spices. Feel free take a pick at tangy/ aromatic.
5. Cover the skillet for the tomatoes to get cooked.
6. When the gravy is cooked, add cooked rice, mix, and adjust seasoning.
For Base
1. Meanwhile, cut the top part of the red pepper and deseed. It becomes like a cup and a cap! :-)
2. In a microwave container, fill 1 inch water. Place the red pepper and on high start for 6 minutes. (Alternatively boil on gas)
3. The red pepper should be soft but firm.

Assembly:
In the red peppers, fill in the stuffing. Top with cilantro/cheese and bake it in the oven (300F) for 15 minutes.
Put the cut cap back on and serve.

Eat.......by itself.
That's what I like about this recipe, since the stuffing is rice, we didn’t need additional things with it. Plus did I mention it took me about 20-25 minutes for making this which included helping V with her art and me gulping my coffee.

Now... I am up for suggestions.. what do I do with the remainder of my 22 red peppers!!! Any recipes/ recommendation welcome. Note, we are vegetarian.
Also...which will stuffing in red pepper might taste better, if at all:
A: Cream Cheese/Greek Yogurt + Spinach + Artichokes + Dried Cranberries (I know it’s not the healthiest option!!)
B: Pasta + White Sauce + Carrots/Peas/Spinach
ANy place you guys know for fun contribution.

Bonds of a lifetime

You may be fifty, fifteen... there is something about the bond, the friendship and the camaraderie... of the "sistahood" of our girl friends.
I feel like a school girl, when I hang out with us girls, I may not have met some for a decade, and some I just met ten minutes ago, there still a familiarity, a smile and loads of giggles.
I wonder why they say: Girl cannot be a girl’s friend! It is so untrue.
After parenthood, I do see a lot of changes in me and my relationships. Some good and some not so.. But something stays consistent always!
I remember knocking on my neighbor, a very dear friend’s door often, either for a cup of chai or us just sitting and wondering why "Vivaah" was such a bad movie but a tear jerker none the less. I remember being really scared of telling my girl friend when I was pregnant. I know she'd be super happy but still super OMG-You are gonna have a baby. There are countless coffees at JATC and countless hours spend in chocolate shops defining our friendships.
There are enough planned and unplanned lunches, movies, walks, teas that I still try to get to. I remember fondly "lecturing" my friend on relationships while still figuring out my own. I smile when I think about the first time, my girl friends literally pinned me down in the salon for getting my eyebrows done. Till date, when I step in the salon to get my eye brows done, I laugh! I look forward to my email chain with girl friends; I look forward to discussing why Shrek 3 will be such a good movie or how we HAVE to see Sex and the CIty-2. I enjoy the charm, the comfort and the fun of it all.
I have written a lot of times here and about the need, the stress reliever and the fun factor of friendships. Somehow I feel like I am repeating myself right now...

As I see my daughter growing up in front of me... How she excitedly tells me how she played and whom she played with. I can only imagine the hundreds and thousands of dollars she will also spend on coffees, gatherings, mani-pedi's, chick-flicks and still what she will gain at the end of it will be priceless!