New Age Parenting ??

We are new age parents

And yes, I am sure all parents in their generation would think the same. So it does not make us unique, but still i like to put myself on pedestal from time to time.
I will continue.

We are new age parents.
We want to be actively involved in our kids lives, the PTA's, the classes, the play dates, the tucking in nights with the hugs and kisses. We want everything.

We want a career to reach the stars, the board meetings, the late night presentation preps, the work happy hours, the high heels to go with it. We want everything

We want a social life, the late evenings with friends, the occasional sans kids date nights, the crazy fun home parties, the dressing up for key milestones for friends and family. We want everything

We want a healthy lifestyle, the home cooked meals, the fresh salads, the occasional gym memberships, the soccer games with the kids. We want everything.

We want to reflect inwards, go to temple, do the meditation, learn about self calming techniques, the folding of hands with gratitude. We want everything.

We want to give back, be it volunteering, removing the weeds from a national park, packing food, donations, associated fundraising etc. We want everything.

But something's got to give. Right?
We still get the 24 hours in a day. We still continuously juggle and prioritize and make to do lists and make spreadsheets to keep track. We still struggle and some balls inadvertently do get dropped.  As 'new age parents' some days are good and some days are blah.
Is there a way to get this "Mysterious Balance" in the life of new age parents?

Hmm, I wonder.
May be not wanting "Everything" is a start. May be continuously adapting to life's priorities. May be making peace with the fact that we are not going to be balanced!

Is this what is New Age Parenting?
May be our parents had it right.... keep it simple and go with the flow and instill the value system. Rest will follow!

Be Inspired: Our Girls. Our future.

Summer is a season of BBQ's, Cold Drinks, Park shenanigans and this Chicago Summer is unpredictable weather wise.
We have been literally making hay when the sun shines!

At one such BBQ evening with friends, I had one of the most inspiring discussion with a friends mom, lets call her Mrs N. An accomplished lawyer, a musician, an art dabbler and over all a very well read lady.
Along with my 11 years old and Mrs N, we were discussing American politics, the current volatility and the tolerance levels of people.
This is right up the alley for Miss V, my 11 year old. She said: "My schools motto is Honor Diversity" and Mrs N said, "that's wonderful, but I really want to be in a place where we don't have to talk about these things, be it honoring diversity, women's rights etc. It should just be "normal".

True.

This led to an even more interesting discussion on how change can be bought. And Mrs N. told my 11 year old and all of us something which left us speechless and really made us ponder. Her statement was:
"One can protest by standing and picketing and holding bill boards, yes. But one can also initiate change by being in the position of power or using the power one does have to do something more impact-ful". 
To which Miss V was quick to chime "The louder one screams the lesser the impact on the issue at hand!"

Like I said, I left inspired. She recanted a story to us from her childhood on how and why she became a lawyer, which was around the Nixon Impeachment and her absolute devotion to the American Constitution was clear.
Mrs N. was telling Miss V : "We need more women, More smarter girls choosing the path of becoming a lawyer barbecue you have the ability to be neutral, to be impactful and to be just. No one can take that away from you"

Miss V i think just hovered around Mrs. N the rest of the evening.
Like I said, summer BBQ's are amazing and also this one was for a special occasion and left me
feeling very inspired and I think whatever path Miss V and my Little Lady choose, I know that our girls can have any future they dream of and work towards!

This was the perfect way to start a Chicago Summer

Serves me Right!

I blew my own trumpet recently by showing off 'de-stressing via cooking elaborate meals'.
It's only fair that I follow it up with what happened the week after: I did absolutely nothing!

We ate out twice (trust me having someone cook for you and no associated clean up was amazing)
Sumit cooked twice and we absolutely devoured the delish meals.

The stress level across both the weeks remained constant but the energy level went down, way down! 

Silver Line: I did love how being taken care of without asking. I did love to talk in a monologue with a friend just so I could vent.  In the bigger scheme of things, I did love just focusing my energy on one thing and the rest of things just 'happened'
However I  missed being the provider, being the care taker (I can complain about this, Okay).

This is the tough and the true side of parents (working or not doesn't really change this). Sometimes you get a good week, sometimes a tough week and sometimes a week from hell. Schedules line up tight, you juggle a few things, you cant get to every commitment, you don't get to oversee the homework or sit for a good meal. But somehow at the end of it, it magically "fits".

Needless to say this week I plan to catch up: Starting by warm meals in our bellies, clothes folded and well laundried also, sitting with kids while they complain  finish the homework, remembering to breathe through the stress of work and above all I plan to catch up on the the most important thing: My unfinished Netflix Series!

Stress week or Food Frenzy week

When I am super exhausted or just very stressed, I do one of two things, I dress up fancily or I cook fancily.
Considering I have no where fancy to be at on a day to day basis. I have been cooking fancily.

The last few days in my house have been the following
Saturday: Daal Baati with all Maru accompaniments! Of course celebrating the birthday of the one of the strongest individual I know had something to do with this

Monday: Indian Chinese complete with hakka noodles, fried rice, paneer chili, Gobhi Manchurian. Having kids ask me to open a restaurant after this meal was the best compliment I could ask for.

Tuesday: An Ethiopian street food dish called 'Ful' gobbled up very quickly by all of us. Me missing my mum and sharing food pictures with them made it up

Wednesday: Chaat Corner: Paani Puri, Dahi Puri, Sev Puri! Sumit saying that the paani puri is close to his Jaipur days! Oh man, I am in bliss.

I feel food gets us all together on our dining table, makes us laugh, cherish the limited time we get even more. As working parents with busy lives and busy work, we dont get as much time as we would like with the kids. So this is me saying Quality over Quantity.
The weekday evening dinners makes my fondest memories with the kids (YEs even yelling at them to finish fast sometimes!).

I am sure my family wants me to stay stressed so I could make more elaborate meals(!).
I am sure my weighing scale begs to differ though!

So what's your stress buster?

It sticks in the Universe... but we okay

Man, I wish I had said something like "Solve World Hunger" and it would have stuck in the universe! But no, vain me had said "It's going to be a long winter" and long behold the universe heard that and that's what sticking!!! Damn Me.

Be careful of the spoken word!!! Rudimentary mistake.

Last week was well "interesting" and funnily in a good way. We battled polar vortex and counted our blessings that we had the luxuries of a warm home, a supportive team and kids who managed to keep themselves entertained. And we got to new additions on our "Art wall"

• We tried the "Throw boiling water in air and watch it turn to snow" Successful"
• We tried the "Blow bubbles and watch them freeze" Un-successful"
• We worked crazy long hours since no commute and the work just got more intense!
• Hubby worked, picked up all my slack and definitely the supportive team comes in play (Again!)
• But we ate amazing food: Mexican Bowl, Bhajia's, elaborate Indian Meal, Super bowl snacks and above all lots and lots of "Kadha aka Golden Bliss aka Herbal power juice"
• We saw DDLJ!!! And that my friends was the best part!

We oddly celebrated the onset of vortex and having the crazy cold go away with friends. We are like that(!). Simple pleasures or just need to be a little silly.

But the week was. Memorable. Again, i can only be thankful for staying indoors, being warm and above all being able to choose how I reach to such weeks.

The kids were also reminded of this. I often wonder how can we raise kids who are "thankful" and "not entitled" to these things. Open to all suggestions.

A full filling falafel evening

One good thing about blogging about recipes is when I want to re-cook them, I know exactly where to look and what to do, since it’s my own already simplified and modified recipe for a  Quick Food Fix, I blogged about them in 2015 and 2016 so making them again was way over due!

That’s what Monday night was… a full filling Falafel evening. Everything was laid out and kids made and enjoyed their own Pita Sandwiches!

 A picture to tempt you (and also to show off)

A simple thing that my older one said in the evening: “Mummy hoping this satisfies your craving” I melted. 

Over my California trip in December one evening walking on the streets of San Diego (Gas Lamp Quarters), I mentioned to the Chatterbox that night, I am craving Falafel. And that was it… but weeks later, she remembered, and last night over the delicious sandwich she said “Mummy hoping this satisfies your craving”. Oh Yes, It did and so much more!

It also reminded me that simple conversations with the kids may have a lasting impact. Hearsay, an example, a story, a conflict: Kids keep absorbing and absorbing and I have no idea what will shape their little sponge like malleable minds. J So keep it as simple as possible and as honest as possible. These kids continue to amaze me and I learn everyday (and also pull my hair out on most days!)

So how was your Monday after the Holiday season and settling in back to routines?

STRESS

Stress is defined as "a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances."

This sums up a lot of our days. Stress creeps in for a multitude of reasons- be it work, personal life, constraints on which we have no control over, over commitment, under utilization of skills and on and on.

Over summer, Sumit and I spend 10 days at a "Nature Cure" place and among other things we learned, the one element that had a lot of emphasis on was "de-stress" After those ten days, i felt calmer, my skin had a glow and i was "happier" aka less stressed.
I learned and got reminded of- One thing that is the key is "Less Stress"

And the first few weeks of being back to normal life were good, really good. I was genuinely less stressed, less running in circles and above all just calmer. And then slowly but surely,it slid downwards. One step at a time in the wrong direction.

And I didn't realize it until earlier this week. Calendar at work and personal life are choc-o-block. We are going through the motions of all festive celebrations, school recitals, work commitments and its all a lot of fun. Don't get me wrong, I would not have it any other way.
But the one element that is missing is "Just Breathe". I am not taking the time to breathe, to read a book, to take a stroll aimlessly. It does not have to be big. Just 5 to 10 minutes to just be.

And in spirit of following the cliche of new years resolution. Here is my revised definition of Stress

S- Simply let it go
T- Try to develop a workaround
R- Relax, breathe and repeat
E- Evolve and then resolve
S- Stay silent, sometimes letting that moment pass helps
S- Stress: Haha! Sometimes we are stressed about being stressed

I CAN go in on my own...

The 7 words of my kindergartner at school drop off: I can go in on my own!

And this is how the journey of growing up, being independent begins... and no breaks in sight. Yep, a good thing I know.
Of course she followed there words by "I really don't need help" with a subtle eye roll and smile.

The school at her age group has a car line. I drop her off, she takes her stuff, goes to the locker, prepares and heads into class. Alone, Well not alone but with all her friends chatting and giggling away. But no parents.

At pick up- she packs her stuff, waves her (long) good byes and then as her name is called, she comes out, buckles up in the car and the school day is done.

The baby of the house still skips, twirls, hops and humms around the house. But now she claims, she can go in to the school on her own.

The logical part of my brain says, they are growing up and its a part and parcel of growing up.
The practical part of the brain says, you have done this before with the older child.
And yet,
The emotional aka the mush part of the brain says... Noooooo They cant grow up yet!

So yes, as much as my 5 and 10 year old claim they can do stuff on their own, I hate to break it to them: I plan to continue to helicopter-mom them!

New Year Resolutions

I know I know, we are way away from New Years (Well closer that we think), but I digress. I realize now that with school going kids, resolutions should be made at the start of the school year, since that is technically a "New Start" a new school year and time to refresh and reset and learn from mistakes of last school year!

So to lead the pack and begin a revolution of "School New Year Resolution", here are mine with the kindergartner and 5th grader in tow.

Resolution 1: Pack for school the night before

Be it the gym bag which we forget, the homework in the bag, the reading/ library bag, the snack bag etc. Let's pack the school bag the night before and keep it handy. This way as an unpaid errand runner, I am not running back and forth with the "forgotten items", kids are not "stressing (me)" with, oh I forgot and so on and above all mornings are less “drama”

Resolution 2: Ready the school attire the night before

Mind you, I have a kid in uniform and one kid with no uniform. So far this has not been a big deal. But, keep it going so they dress up and come ready with morning routine. With winter coming, this will be helpful having leggings/ sweaters lined up as well. So yes, continue last year’s good behavior

Yep, I am giving the pat on the back where it is deserved!

Resolution 3: Parents: Wake up 30 minute earlier than the kids

(URGH!!! I know) but, it makes sense. I can peel the almonds, get ready for my day in peace and above all may be have a few sips of the coffee while it’s still hot. Considering I have to pack hot lunch for one child, this can get smoother if I actually NOT snooze my alarm! Ideally, I should be up even earlier and squeeze in a work out- haha. I know!! Let’s start simple with just 30 minutes earlier than the little monsters angels.

Resolution 4: Yell less and less of "Hurry Up"

This one will be the TOUGHEST. We are all refreshed after a blissful summer, so mornings (of one whole week of back to school) have been timely and peaceful. I know that's not reality of school year’s gone by! But I am hoping to leverage "Alexa's" alarms and set times to hopefully get us in car bundled and on time without cursing the traffic amongst other things! Tough goal!! So open to suggestions on this one!

Resolution 5: Evening planning

Once the kids home after school, based on schedules- prioritize: Homework, instrument practice, classes, park, down time and dinner! We cant get all done on one day, so prioritize. Kids get over enthusiastic for their classes and as always we get stretched thinner making us squished for time. Aka making me crankier! Hence my older child and I decided to ease into this routine. Touch wood, she is sincere and has said, first homework then rest of things.

This one will continue to be a work in progress. I have put my foot down and agreed on NO SOCIAL commitments on weekdays before 8  pm.

(And No, Netflix is NOT a social commitment)

I get that all of the above are common sense items. But year after year, as time progresses, I tend to forget. Resulting in me getting crankier and then the domino effect on the family.

So yes, five fingers: five resolutions: The gist being: plan, early to bed and early to rise and above all prioritize!!! AND BREATHE! So the girls can do more of this... 

These are our "School New Year Resolutions". 

More importantly do you think I can follow mine? Well don’t answer that! You are supposed to say Yes of course!

Quick Food Fix: Thai Green Curry in Instant pot

With school back in action, weeknights are back to being crowded and busy and also, we are all super hungry by the time we get in!!

So, Instant Pot,  is back in action! The kids needs a variety of food and I want it healthy, yummy and above all: quick!
Our amazing BBQ evenings, park strolls or just going with the flow.....are missing! aah Summer, I miss you.

So a weeknight, we come home.  I ship the kids off for a long shower (trust me I could smell them from a mile away) and while they showering, I made a Thai Green Curry and Rice.
Kids come out smelling divine and I am partial, but I still think the Thai Green Curry was smelling better

Instant Pot: Thai Green Curry: Serves 4 super hungry people!
Cooking Time: 15-18 minutes (Start to finish!) and hence it definitely qualifies for  my Quick Food Fix mantra and is definitely not the same Old Same Old!

Ingredients for curry: 
1. Store bought Thai Green Curry paste: 4-5 tsp.
2. One can coconut milk
3. Vegetables: Chopped chunky monkey style
2 cloves garlic
1 inch ginger
One Onion
3-4 medium tomatoes
8-10 baby carrots
8-10 green beans
1 bell pepper

Oh and I wish I had Super Firm Tofu! But that night, we didnt have any!

Process
1. Put Sautee mode in the IP
2. Add ginger, garlic, onion and the thai green paste and mix.
3. Once fragrant (2-3 minutes) add all the chopped vegetables and sautee for 3-4 minutes
4. Now add the can of coconut milk and 1/4 cup water
5. Add salt per taste, mix.
6. Close the IP and set to Manual, High Pressure Mode for 5 minuttes
7. Garnish with chopped cilantro!

Ta Da: Your Thai Green Curry is ready and enjoy with cooked rice

Comments: 
1. The Green Curry Paste can also be made at home, but I generally stock the Vegetarian pastes readily available in Whole Foods/ Trader Joes. And yes can also substitute with Red Curry Paste
2. Coconut milk is healthy, and no please dont skimp on using half a can (I have done it and the end product is not just the same)
3. Rice: Regular cooked rice is great, while everything was getting cooked in IP, I prepared rice on regular gas.

Femi-Nazi….. No Thank You Please!

Here is what Mira Rajput, Shahid Kapoor's wife said" “I love being at home, I love being a mother to my child, I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work, why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”

 

Does her line bother me? Like the hoards of posts out there, of how her thoughts are antiquated. Honestly no!

I think it’s a very matter of fact line and often I have felt the guilt of only spending one hour with my kids and just hugging them before jumping back on a conference line. So Yes, it’s actually a true statement. I have wondered why it feels like I am juggling the world to ONLY get an hour with the kids. Is it worth it?

What Mira says is actually true. Whether I like it or no, for us mothers the guilt follows no matter what our path.

Privilege of not working, privilege of making a choice of working, privilege of husbands pitching in, not having the privilege to choose, all aside. I think as mothers, if one thing we have not learned is being supportive of each other as mothers!

I have my own village of friends, my mom friends and it’s not based on if they work or not, it’s based on 'we genuinely like each other and have shared core values (yes cussing and bitching is also a shared common value)'.

Our friendship is based on ‘Please can you pick up my child since I am not well', It’s based on, “Can you talk to her, I am loosing it right now with her” Its based on 'I am just too tired today, can you please.. .' It’s based on ‘Let me pick up the school play costume for your daughter”.

Its a village of MY friends and trust me working or not has nothing to do with it. It’s just a support system in place.

I actually agree with every single thing Mira has said. So let me break up her lines and give my two cents...

Mira: I love being at home...

Garima: and I am sure she has to go out supporting her hotness-Greek- god- of- a- husband (Sumit, sorry!!!) in his media events, or running errands or whatever. Don’t we all?  I do love being home and just putting my feet up or folding laundry while Netflix binge watching on or just having a board game night with my friends and family!

Mira: I love being a mother to my child... 

Garima: I mean I have posts and posts gushing on them and gmail accounts filled to the brim with their pictures! I am who I am with my two beautiful kids in tow.

Mira: I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work... 

Garima: Oh yes, the mommy guilt. I even feel guilty when I am out with my girlfriends on a spa party (true, I just think of them a little less though while getting my nails done as compared to a conference call). It doesn’t mean I don’t live my life, but I do miss them. And I do wish I could pause time and just watch them sleep or just not be yelling 'Lets go we are late' ALL THE TIME!

Mira: Why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”... 

Garima: I have had this similar feeling more than I would like to confess! This one I differ a little though. I feel with whatever I do, work or not, I want to be there mentally, emotionally and physically for my child.

Currently I am a working mother of two, I have tried being a Stay at home mommy for two and that really didn’t work out well for me, I was really cranky all the time and snappy and generally nasty. I was there physically but not happy emotionally.

And I realized FOR MYSELF (Yes Sumit you can now say I-Told-You-So). I am better person and a happier person when I do something for myself, be it working, be it going to the gym, be it sleeping in, be it sending my kids for summer in India and reconnect with my partner in crime.

And I very strongly believe in, If I am happy, it shows and overall my family will be happier!!

My social media stream filled up with dishing Mira on a platter and saying 'Its' not the right example for the daughters, it’s not with today's age' etc etc. . I STRONGLY disagree; I am daughter of a home maker, a very strong, extremely well educated and really awesome example of a mother. And I think she has set an amazing example for me, and she reminds me and my sister in law often: working or not, Be yourself, be happy and you need to be there for your kids, for your family!

Me working right now does not make my choices wrong or right. It just makes it something that makes me happier, more content! Of course, I do fantasize about the other side, grass on the other side is always greener isn’t it?

More diplomatically, every mother is a working mother.

Trust me, food does not magically appear, snots don’t get magically cleaned up, laundry does not get magically folded, schedules don’t magically work like a well-oiled machine, homework’s don’t get turned in on time, family balance does not magically happen.

All mothers are working; it’s a lot of freaking work to be a mother, a parent!

Sometime you don't need to say 'I love you'

It was one of those days.... those tired long days where you are just exhausted and you still have a lot on your plate left...

It was one of those days and I am driving home around 6:30 pm with the two girls in the car listening in while I whine to my husband, "I am so tired tonight honey'. He acknowledges and says, 'I hear you, see you soon!'

I pull into the garage and climb up to the house and am left astounded.

The husband has done the following: moved his meetings around for an hour to complete dinner preparations and emptied the dishwasher and I am greeted with a quick peck on the cheek and he runs to get back on his work calls.

I was left speechless and misty eyed!

The Panini that night could not have tasted better!

This one evening was way more that any amount of "I Love you” s we have said to one another.

It's the empathy of " I understand”, it’s the acknowledgment of “It’s tough and I got your back” and it’s the true sense of feeling “We are in this together”

Miss V was quick to observe and say 'Thank you papa for dinner tonight'.

We all talk about gender equality, empowering our next generation of children but actions speak louder than words. I am hoping my girls realize that being in this world today: It’s the partnership and it’s the support of one another which makes a successful person, a successful spouse and a successful family.

Girl or Boy at this point really does not really matter.

Thank you Sumit for always being there for me and the girls and actually following the ideology you believe in so strongly!

India's Daughter

Yes, yet another Media Mention of the infamous documentary  India's Daughter.

When I sit to write about it, there are so many topics that come to mind, Poverty, Lack of education, Gender inequality, political media censorship, patriarchal society, judicial system, women safety and yes, Rape.

So instead of talking about all, I choose none. I will talk about how it all relates to my experiences growing up in a middle class simple Marwari family.

My maternal grandfather was a historian and a freedom fighter. He got married really early and has a family of 6 kids. 4 boys and 2 girls. My mom grew up in a small UP town and he mandated, 'My daughters will study'.  My maternal grandmother, not educated herself supported this and wanted the independent young girls in her family. She supported her older son's wife entire education after marriage. My mom did double MA (Masters of Art's). Much against the society norms in the 1950's 60's.

My maternal grandparents are a typical Marwari couple, conservative and yet very progressive.

My father, is one of 11 siblings, comes from a very simple and modest family of farmers. Having lost his dad at a very young age, he tells me stories of how much resistance he had to fight against him studying. He got support from one of his siblings and completed his education. His is the story of studying under street lights, living in cramped quarters with roommates and being focused on one thing: Education. He saw most women in his small town Rajasthan being house wives, girls being married really early and no support structure for women. But my mother tells me tales of my paternal grandmother, widowed really early brought up the 11 kids independently. This and my father’s education broadened his horizons and his perspective. His one hope for his kids: Education.

My parents form a very progressive couple. Growing up, they had similar rules for my brother and I. We had the same opportunities for education, lifestyle and extravagance. My brother now is an entrepreneur and as for me. I am an Engineer with a Masters in Engineering from one of the top 10 school in US.

But this story is not about my brother or me. 

It's about the foresight of our grandparents and parents. They didn’t follow societal norms. They followed the path of 'What's right'. They had a vision of their own family being educated, being equal and being independent.

I am sure they dreamt of having their kids in the best possible jobs, businesses and with happy families. And that is the best part: They thought of 'Their Kids' Not just sons! Kids.

5 more minutes, please!

That is a statement I tell my 'Alarm' each morning. 5 more minutes, Please! I need to just laze for 5 more minutes.

Those 5 more minutes do nothing to me, I am not sleeping anymore, I am not resting, I am fitful at best. I am already planning the day, chores, schedules, meetings, strategies when the alarm buzzes.

But there is something so nice about that additional 5 minutes. Isn't it?

Like most people, I wake up cranky; 5 minutes additional or not.

I am trying to adapt. Slightly. I am trying to wake up with the alarm. The alarm buzzes 15 minutes before my older baby wakes up. So those 15 minutes are precious. I get the 'me-time' in the morning, I can brush in peace, start the kids breakfast, prepare the kids lunch, make my coffee and be 'awake' by the time the first one doles out of bed.

In all due fairness, I have been doing it only for 2 weeks plus, the waking up with the alarm bit! But I have seen the slight difference. I am not as stressed anymore. I still am rushed, but not as stressed.

It's slowly coming to a well- oiled machine! And I like it.

It's crazy mad still; I am in hyper multi-tasking mode from 6:15 to 8:15, that's the time it takes me to

Get two kids fed with 'healthy' breakfast

Get two kids ready for school

Cook and Pack Miss V's lunch

Wipe kitchen, pre-prep dinner

Get myself fresh and presentable for work and kids drop off's to school

And oh yes, start Roomba.

Thankfully Sumit and I divvy up the drop off’ s when he is not travelling, he has one kid to drop off, I have the other. So Phew.

By the time I finish the drop off and sit in the bus for office, that's the first 'sigh' of relief.

So I am learning, the 5 minutes of laziness in the mornings somehow throws the schedule off. I am cranky, hasty, rushed and translating the effect to the kids as well.

I am at least 'less cranky'

I'll take that!

The Break-Up

Stage 1: Shock

Stage 2: Hurt

Stage 3: Betrayal

Stage 4: Anger

Stage 5: Moving On

Stage 6: Happiness

Stage 7: Closure

When you are in college, you go through these stages with crushes, likes and the opposite sex in general. Sometimes you skip stages, sometimes you stay and mull in one for longer. But as age progresses, you think you get calmer, more refined to navigate the above stages. You know what is happening.

But sadly, no matter what the break up is- all stages apply!

I had a recent break up. Before the rumor mills start- It was with my nanny.

Stage 1: SHOCK: 'What you are leaving me?' I didnt see any signs, why? What am I going to do, No way? There is no notice.

Seriously?

Stage 2: HURT I have been blind. Of all people, you?  We have been together for so long, why so sudden? Ouch, what will I do?

Seriously?

Stage 3: BETRAYAL:  I never expected this. After all I did for you and your family. I touched you when NO ONE was. I trusted you, helped settle you, your family. Loaned you money, time and drove you around.  and you did this! No notice.

Seriously?

Stage 4: ANGER:  You dumped me, no I DUMP YOU. You are not worth it. Your 'type' will stay your type. ALWAYS. No matter how considerate I have been, you did this.

Seriously?

Stage 5: Moving On:  Hmm, What is, will be. It's fine. I still have me and my family. I put up with your SHIT for way too long. I should have let you go a long time ago. I am better off now. I am sure

Seriously!!!

Stage 6: HAPPINESS : Wow, its like a weight lifted off me. This feels awesome. Everything is perfect, I survived, got smarter and above all happier. There is more laughter and more fun and more cleanliness for sure. Why didnt I think of this before

Seriously!!!

Stage 7: CLOSURE: Oh man, I am awesome. My family is awesome. This is like a well-oiled machine and you had just slowed us down. I love the freedom and the laughter and the cleanliness. Good Bye. Thanks for nothing. Good Bye

Oh My god, I love this!

Seriously!!!

So yes, my nanny on the eve of my birthday 'dumped' me VERY unprofessionally. She didnt honor the one month notice period we had agreed on. She was not even going to tell me she is quitting. I guess being a girl, my 6th sense is super active and I asked her thrice and then she was forced to confess.

So it always has to be the perfect storm: Nanny dumps you. Husband is travelling, you are swamped with work, one of the kids is not well.

And then I realized you know what. Its all fine. Not fine-fine. But fine. And will only get better.

With my recent break-up I went through all the standard stages in 1 and a half days. Flat. And I have been happy since. Kids are laughing more, walking more, being more independent. At the same time, Sumit and I are more relaxed and laugh about those things that nanny didnt do. We did honestly put up with her for longer than we should have. No one likes change, and we didn’t either. Without this nanny, Its actually nice. And this time the real NICE NICE!

But yes, I am back in the market for a new one- I new more professional, more stable and definitely more active nanny. Suggestions??

So how is it with with TWO kids?

I get asked this question a LOT. As I was telling someone recently, if I had a penny for each time I got asked this quesiton, I would be on track to be a millionaire.

 So seriously, how is it with TWO kids?

Hmm, Like having one kid and one shadow.

My kids are five years apart. So that does help. The older one 'helps' out. No seriously she does. She will entertain the Little Lady whilst I cook dinner or go to the loo or just read a book. Ok, the last one is a stretch, but yes, it is a big help.

 But at the same time, it is a pain, since now whist I sing the ABC's or teach the colors to the little one, I am like: Crap, not again! I am not even thinking about the Potty training time to come soon.

 So how is it with TWO kids?

In all due honesty, I have seen a side of my older one that I could not fathom. The way she looks and cares for her little sister is amazing. She takes out toys, reads books to her and above all is super protective of her. The first thing she does after coming home is kiss the little one. It is the selflessness in her which no book, no social setting would have taught her. Its only since she is an older sister. At the same time she is coping with 'Its not all about her anymore'

For the little one, it is MUCH easier this time around for us at least. I am not freaking out at every missed meal, a single cough. Knowing, 'It all works out soon enough' helps me cope with it. If she is not crawling by 9 months, I look at my older one run around the house. They all get there. Knowing that is so calming.

Plus the shadow I mentioned above is so true. The little one crawls around the house looking for her sister or the dad. She is picking a few things without us teaching her. Whether its sharing toys, waiting while we get to her or even simple thing like: Chilling. Since there are two kids in the house, we cant get to both of them at the same time. So both the kids are learning to be more self-sufficient.

There was no specific reason why we decided to have another kid. Our family felt very complete with just one kid. But now with Little Lady, It feels complete. Again.

There is a special bond. When I see my girls playing with each other now, or just sitting at dinner table or the older one making silly faces at the little one. It all makes me mush and more often than not, I get misty eyed. I know they will have each other. No Matter What.

Yes they will fight, they will have tantrums but at the end of the day, they will have a friend for life.

Having said all that, IT IS BLODDY HARD WORK with two kids schedules, activities, our social life and work. But I llow my Mantra: 'Count to ten and breathe. Life is Good'

Unnecessary Glorification

You know how it is, there is one good article/ one picture and it gets circulated. A Lot. on facebook, via whats app, via mail, via e-anything. So a simple picture becomes 'Glorified'

 Here it is.

 I saw it, and was very uncomfortable, but I let it go and didn't 'Like' it. It comes up on another Media outlet and before I know it, that one day, I see it every where.

And I kept growing more and more uncomfortable.

 And here is why

 To me, the picture signifies the following

1. The lady has a smile on her face while multi-tasking.

Seriously show me one person who can handle all the stuff without whining. Kids or no kids. It is unrealistic representation of a person. It makes it seem its okay to do all this and if you are not smiling- Shame On you.

 2. She looks more like a sacrificial lamb to me.

It makes whatever the lady is doing 'single handedly' look OK. And I want to stand up and shout. ITS NOT.

3. The guy below the lady has a 'Exclamation' on his head.

Seriously?? What is he amazed at how much the lady can do? Is he amazed that he has two hands which are useless. What?

It's images like these which seem regressive to me.

Yes on any given moment, like all of us, I wear multiple hats. May be of a parent, a corporate executive, a girl, a cook. But so does my husband. How about we create an image to glorify him? The father, a co-parent whose work generally goes un-noticed or un-glorified!

It's images like these which seem like they are judgmental.

I don’t think I do half of the things that a 'good mother' is supposed to.  I think I have ironed Sumit's shirts a total of 3 times in our time together. Does that make me a bad wife? 

I think not.

It's images like these that I NEVER want to show my girls. Never

Scheduled life

The one application/ tool that I usethe most is calendar. Yes, its antiquated, old, been around forever. But this is the one thing that I cant live without. Simple reason. All the technology we have also does not help in making mind and memory sharper.

So if its not noted on the calendar, its usually forgotten or over looked. Not Cool.

I maintain the family calendar which means, I track school stuff, important dates, play dates, birthday dates, school commitments, parties, school volunteering etc. Then I track extra curriculars, like classes, missed times, returns for books, gym classes, opeing dates for parks etc. Add in our social commitments for parties, picnics, gatherings, date nights, girls nights, movie nights. The top layer becomes travel shcedule for spouse, just so that I can plan my week around that, include my work commitments outside of regular hours.
The end product is a super busy calendar which is color coded so I know what type of commitment this is. It also has reminders set based on type. If its a birthday party, i will get a reminder a few days before to ensure i have the gift for it. If its a school volunteer, then I will get a reminder the night before to plan for Little Lady. You get the gist.
Yes, its crazy, but its organised. I know what we are doing when the time comes, so we are not double commited. At the same time, I plan so that we have some down time of lazy park walks, chiling at home and just being silly with the girls.
To the reader, it might seem like we are this super wanna be couple who are busy all the time. Well, I dont know about that. We have a good set of friends whom we like to meet regularly, do new activities with them and just relax. At the same time, we have an active toddler who enjoys her friends and company. There are so many Friday mornings that she asks us, who is coming tonight? Or where are we going? At the same time, Sumit and I love each others company so I have to equate for that.

When Sumit says, my weekends are out sourced to the wife. He is correct. He generally has no clue of what we are doing over weekends until I tell him> He however does know when we are doing nothing, he will nudge me to make a 'Plan'.

We like being busy. Its busy doing nothing. But we love this nothingness and hope we are blessed with it all our lives.

When I like something, I really like it...

Take the unbelievable salad for example... As forecasted, I had it a lot and within three 
weeks, my loyalty card paid off for a free salad! ;-) I am a sucker that way!
Next, there is a wrap place next to my office. In less than 7 minutes, I get a hot wrap, eat 
it and am back to meetings! Lovely lunch break. Loyalty card approved for a free wrap next time 
I go there.
Most recently, I was introduced to a place called 'Nusa'. And trust me, it’s the best soup 
place EVER!!! There is always a line winding outside the small place for their soups. And 
believe it or not, they have over four vegetarian soup options. I can only talk about one 
variety though, the one I keep having- Santa Fe Chilli sin Carne- add on the yogurt, salsa and 
chilli on top! Its the perfect lunch for a wintery afternoon. Sadly no loyalty card here... so 
I guess I just keep going back for the flavours!

And yes, I could carry home packed lunches. I do, 'sometimes' but luckily, the lunch options 
around here are worth exploring. And the fifteen minutes I do get for lunch in my busy day is 
worth getting out of the office and exploring!

This actually leads to another topic- having the tried and tasted food or truly trying out something new?
Yes, we all love exploring... but when you find something just perfect, do you tend to try something else on the menu... just because? Your take?

Not so random thoughts...

I read this article 'Why I left India(again)' recently and re-read this today. I know this article has made rounds over and over again. It has been commented/ criticised, appreciated and murdered.

For me, it felt very real. I hung onto each word and involuntarily shaking my head. I think I can relate to where the author was coming from.

I have been out of India for a decade now. My formative and impressionable years have been out of India. I have been teased as NRI (Not Required in India).

I go 'back home' on and off to meet family, eat at familiar joints, try out new places, relax in air conditioning and appreciate the help at home. I go back since my family is there, it’s my native country. But more often than not, towards the end of my trips, I crave to come back to my familiar grounds. Being in 'vacation mode' might have a lot to do with that.

Being expats in London now, I am often asked: Where are you from? I should respond @I am from India, but more often than not my response is 'I recently moved from Chicago.'

Why you ask?

I can relate to my life in US much more than I can relate to my life a decade ago in India.

It sucks to say that. But it’s true. It took me a lot of time and courage and guilt to come out and say: 'I don’t think I am returning to India anytime soon, barring any life changing/ family health emergencies, we are living outside India'

Once I said that out loud, I repeated it and made peace with myself. Yes, I get scornful looks, raised eyebrows, OMG how can you say that and best of all 'Traitor'

I am learning to develop a thick skin now.

My family life, professional obligations and daughter’s upbringing and education has made definitely made a huge contribution in our decision/ state of mind. But if I look in the mirror, its more to do with 'My View Today'.

India is my native country. No matter where I go in life, what I do, I always will be Indian, my passport has little to do with it. I don’t have to explain how great, developing and changing India’s temperament is today. Everyone knows it. And I can’t even do justice to it.

I adore going back to India. Its home in all sense of the word. But sadly my Life is not in India right now. I may or may not return to India. But I do know wherever I am and will be, I will be Indian.

 It’s not the type of food, the language, the colour, and the clothes you wear; where you live that make you more or less Indian. Your ethnicity makes the foundation of who you are. Period.