Taking a Pause

More than a few of my posts over the decade of blogging have been around the "missing hour", "not enough time", "always running around" and of course the "mysterious balance of work and home"

As we all charter through these turbulent waters of "Covid-19" which for all intensive purposes feels like a "pause on life", I sit on my couch which has become my work from home table and ponder on what this means to me.

Firstly, THANK YOU to all the professions deemed 'essential' and risking the unrelenting virus to keep us safe, pantries stocked and above all as I sit and complain on "slow internet" these people help patients every minute to go back home. Their dedication, stories and perseverance is inspirational! So THANK YOU

Secondly, touch wood, we are blessed. We have stayed self isolated, connecting with friends and family over video calls, play board games with the family, cleaning some closets, cooking a lot more and above all in the midst of this realizing what a wonderful and supportive network of friends, family and co-workers I have. 

Work has been busy but no commute has helped the productivity, more check-in calls with teams and definitely getting to know the co-workers and their families since invariably we have some much needed background levity with the group. 

We are all staying paused and positive. Its been an experience! We stocked up on groceries some out of pure fright, some out of peer pressure and some out of "what if". A friend reminded me I love being around people and this must be weird for me. In a lot of ways it has been and in some ways, its been a breath of fresh air also. I am connecting more to myself also in the process also. Something that in my now not so recent Pitt trip I was chided for! It's also been more hair oil days, PJ days, home made face masks, reading, zoom virtual meet ups, video calls and above all just being "chilled". 

Kids have been AMAZING. My gosh, I cant say that enough. Luckily their spring break coincided with this self isolation order, so they have sort of gone with the flow. Of course they miss their friends, there are occasional outbursts of "what now" but they have built puzzles, learned cross stitch, caught up on their worksheets, learning new "computer" skills and picking up chores as much as possible! Our cousins universities shut down abruptly and the two of them are over adding fun to the stay-at-home party. They are such amazing influences on the kids. Above all the 6 of us are definitely making most of this. Coming  week "e-school" begins and we will have to establish "new schedules" again!

Life is "Paused" and we continue to keep it "Positive". I miss my massage place, my eyebrow place, my lazy evening with friends, the 'normal' schedule, the endless chatter with friends, the dinners, the normalcy of life. But I HONESTLY am making the most of the newly filled peace and quiet, the LAUGHTER and relaxed smiles of those around me!

How is your "Pause" been?

Candy Coated Hell

This is a term I heard on the Radio when the hosts were describing the post Halloween frenzy with kids. And I burst out laughing in the car: " Candy Coated Hell"

It is sorta true if you think about it. Ever since the kids are little we talk about, no sugar for the little one, please. I have seen my own two girls first hand with sugar in their system and their reactions. Yes my friends: 'Sugar High' is an actual term.

I have seen them running in circles after 2-3 chocolates. Friends and I have popped pop corn and laughed uncontrollably!!! Yes, you can mail me the “parent of the year award”!

"Candy Coated Hell"! It is an accurate description of our media filled lives... Its bright, its smiley and its happy, all the time.

The adults version of "Candy coated hell”: is filled with varying degrees of schmooze, perfect profile pictures, that one angle that makes you slim, the one strand coving your face to make it look natural, the one dress that accentuates, the kids trophies that adorns the walls... like I said its bright, its smiley and always happy!

But ask yourselves: Is it true?

Behind every 'angled picture" is years of beating yourself for gaining weight, not loosing enough and the confidence or lack of it that goes with the drama

Behind every 'kids trophy picture' is you hiding your own "not so kind moment" with the kids when they really pushed you over the edge.

Behind every ‘schmooze’ is the contrast of you rather being in bed with un-ending runs of Netflix.

I'd rather be here: 

Recently I got invited to a "Black and White Challenge" on facebook, concept is simple: Upload a black and white image with no humans just as you go on about your life, tag someone and do this for a week.

Capturing these black and white images made me think a little more..... what image can I capture for today that is raw, that is true and that is far away from this candy coated hell that we live in, we thrive in and we enjoy in!

And of course filled with hypocrisy, I upload the image of the day on social media after making it "perfect". You are welcome

The Devil's Hairband

It's Haloween!

Its the day of the year we take kids door to door for them to score lots of candy where the rest of the days, we are yelling at them to not touch candy.

It's the day of the year, where the kids creativity shines and they think about their costume long and hard, the stores have these costumes on display with the tackiest fabric and the overpriced price tag.

It's the day when the kids are excited about scaring other people and completely forget about the monsters below their bed which keeps them awake the rest of the year

It's the day when my little angels finish the breakfast the quickest, get ready the quickest and very patiently sit to get their faces painted to match their costume.

It's the day when even I thoughtfully laid out 'my costume' the night before!!!

Yes, this is my costume of choice (!)

I walked to the cafeteria for my morning coffee run, I  smiled and wished Happy Halloween to the colleagues who applauded my spirit of dressing "up".

Some stared longer than normal and I wondered,  I am wearing the 'Devil Headband' Am I inadvertently pissing someone off for what it symbolizes.  Am I in some HR violation?

Later, I was chatting with someone who wanted to see my kids dressed up pictures and I told them She is an Arabic Princess and we thought her how to say 'Hello' in Arabic! There was silence, the 'someone' cautioned me, "Be careful, people might not like it! " (The Arabic Princess)

At first I didn't get it, and then it struck me.

Have we become that narrow minded that even on Halloween, we have to be 'politically correct' Are people really that "in-tolerant"?

My response: I am still donning my 'Devil's hairband' in office (No violation, I checked) and going to nudge my Arabic Princess to say 'Marhaba' a little louder at "Trick or Treating" this evening.

Let's enjoy the candy, the smiles of the cute faces and definitely 'Marhaba'. It's Halloween

Indian Army: A story that need's to be told

As I read up on the Uri attacks, my hearts fill up with sadness. 17 Indian Army men lives lost in this cowardly attack.

We recently visited Leh & Laddakh and were guests of the Indian Army. After spending a week with our Indian Army, I feel one Indian army man equals the courage, the strength and the humility of 20 civilians combined.

The story of the Indian Army needs to be told- not in the 'Indian Bollywood way' but their true stories of sacrifice, spending months away from family, having the willfulness to actually so something for the country. The way I see it, we as Indian's sleep peacefully while the Army (as a matter of fact our navy/ air force) stay awake and protect us.

Being an Indian, I love Bollywood, love the movies, the fun, the gossips, the drama, the music and the vibrancy of Indian Film Industry. But today, to them I say: One thing you fall short on is showing the true nature of our Jawans (Soldiers)!!

Within a week of the one-on-one time with them, my entire family was often brought to tears as we heard their daily lives.

Here are some excerpts of stories from a week:

Mr S-ji, is a Kargil veteran, he was with us for the entire week. He recanted stories of the war: His best friend from school who joined army together. He helped his friend and his lady love elope and get married; they went through training together, cared of each other's families like they were their own! In the Kargil war, one evening they sat and wished each other luck. Mr S'ji's friend said- please tell my wife no matter where I am, I will always care! The next evening they come back to the base camp and Mr S finds out his friend was martyred! It's been over fifteen years, but Mr S'ji eyes were moist. He said- he feels this guilt that he lived and his friend died. He questions 'why him', he has this guilt every time he visit's his friend's family- maybe he could have done something different to save/protect his friend.

Another Army Jawan- Mr. X, let’s call him is a Kargil Veteran. He was telling us very simply about the "Tiger Hill Capture'. In the snow clad mountains, they would go for days without food or water. There were days when they came back to the base mountain to get one poori since all Jawan's needed food and supplies were running short. He told us of a story that they had to kick ice with their boot's for some ice to melt and they could quench their thirst. He told us the eve of victory night for the Tiger Hill, he was tired, hungry and exhausted. His colleague told him, carry this extra food for the night- Mr X's response:' Just give me the Tiranga (national flag): I just want to hoist that on the mountain!! That's the only extra weight I want to carry- food can wait!”

Mr S'ji tells us about his son, similar age as my daughter gets to see him may be 2-3 months every year! He was describing a story of building his house in his hometown. And though the civilians see the army uniform- they are not shy of asking him for a bribe to get the 'house plan' passed or get 'electricity connection' going! For Mr S'ji- I am here on the border, truly serving my nation and here these civilian's ask me for a bribe to build a house with my hard earned money!

We heard about the disparity of 'hardship pay' A Jawan stationed in the Siachen gets an additional hardship allowance of say 100$, but an IAS officer stationed in the urban city of 'Guwahati' gets a hardship allowance of '100$*5' How is that fair?

We visited the army base camp near 'Tso Moriri' lake. We had the privilege of having lunch in the Officers Mess. The camp, the Jawans, the officers all had the largest smiles and unspoken humility for us. They were happy to have my little one play with their hat or show my older daughter the 'pistol' from one of the wars. I was wondering- may be watching my kids- they think about their own families, little sisters or a life they could have had!

That evening we met a really young officer and we asked him- Why army:: He responded : Why not? This young officer from grade 9 knew the army is what he wanted:- he went to military school, studied did everything he could to get to the army. Nope, he has no family in the army- it's just what he wanted to do: Serve his country!!

I can go on and on about these little conversations, the stories, the valor, the courage, the sacrifices... but they won’t be enough!

These are the stories that need to be shared, the movies that need to be made! Bollywood, you know I love you- But I really want you to show the true army! Their stories. It might not be 'masala movies' but it will be something that will inspire you and me!! may be it will make us think twice before we ask/ give bribe. May be it will make us salute a passing soldier; donate a little something to their families!! 

Just a little something for them so that they know- we care, or at least we acknowledge and really appreciate their hard work.

As I sip on hot tea in an air-conditioned office: I remember the Jawan's who blew our minds in ONLY one week!

One of them- asked us what we did professionally- and all I could say was: Nothing! Nothing compared to you

Mother of two girls... and?

----------------------------------------- In the beginning---------------------------------------------------

Garima: A mother

People: Wow, congratulations, must be busy and hard.

In my mind: No, its easy, well I don’t know any better, this is what it's supposed to be I guess!

Garima: A mother of one girl

People: Girls are so precious. Am sure she will give you sleepless nights when she gets to her teens

 In my mind: Uh, why? My brother and I both must have given a lot of sleepless nights in our teens. But yes I agree, Kids are precious and my Little V more so for me

----------------------------------------- A few years later---------------------------------------------------

Garima: A mother of two girls

People: Wait what? Wow.

Generally look at Sumit and say: Time to get the second job and bulk up. You need the muscles to ward off boys.

Generally look at Garima and say: Time for the boy, may be third time's the charm!!

In my mind: What!!

My two girls are perfect. When we planned for our second, it was since it felt right for our family(and of course increase chaos), we didn’t even find out what gender the baby will be- goes to show, we didn’t care: Boy or Girl! So yeah.

Please, my kids are perfect to me and family is complete. If we do have a third kid and if that kids a boy, great and if that kids a girl: even better, I have a load of hand me downs already.

Kids are expensive, yes we know that. Trust me! But that does not mean my darling husband needs a second job, trust me we thought it through before we went down this path of parenthood. And bulk up?? Seriously?

I don’t think my dad was peeling boys away from me when I was in my teens. Bulk or no bulk, I was just fine and so was my dad. And I think my girls and Sumit will be fine as well.

Now gist: Phew!

It's a natural thing to ask: Two kids, boys or girls?

And then I would assume it's a natural thing to say: Good for you, can I see pictures? Let me know when I can meet them?

And if you ask, drop them off and head out to the movies..... We LOVE it!

And then move on to the next topic.

Why does us having two girls give us collective gasps or even hearing double trouble! Seriously?

 We live in 21st century right? Let me check the date again! Yes we do. So please Butt Out

Absence of screen time

No, I am not going back to the dark ages. Screens, all forms, latest gadgets etc rule our household. They are used as barter, bribe and of course being 'connected' in all forms all the time. But I am 'trying' to make a conscious effort of making screens 'absent' for certain periods of time.

1. When I return home from work, until kids are in bed. I am trying to keep my phone in my purse on 'silent' mode. And the purse far away so I am not distracted by the 'buzz'. The only reason why an iPad is picked up is to start some music and an impromptu dance jig with the girls. This is hard. But it makes me less distracted, I don’t ask V to hold off since I am responding to this one text. I actually sit with Little Lady and not just take her pictures, but enjoy the mini-milestones she reaches each minute.

2. When I hit the bed, the phone is outside. I used to use the 'phone needs charging' excuse to have phone by my side. Now the gadgets and the chargers are all outside of our room. And yes, I have not needed alarm in the last couple of years. Having kids does that to you. This is harder. Since catching up on Facebook, unread emails, witty messages all get piled up. But you know what, I am learning if this really can wait, let it wait. Hence the phone is outside.

3. When I take the bus to and from my work, I keep my phone in the pocket of my jacket and look around. This is the hardest. But this has also made me realize that there are 4 nail spas en route (why does one need 4 in 10 blocks, I really don’t know), couple of bakeries which are so inviting (Must try with the family over weekends). The sun and the sky that I can peek at from the bus, makes me just decompress.

I am learning that I can switch off from screens and be switched on in person.

I can’t make bold statements and say- that’s how it will be all the time. In a week, even if I can do this for a few days, it’s a small step for me. Just to disconnect and really connect.

Why do people have kids?

Recently I was chatting with a friend about this and that and kids and this and that and kids.

She then point blank asked me: 'Honestly, tell me why people have kids, it sounds like a lot of work!'

I paused, thought and responded: 'They want to, that’s why'

I loved the point blank honesty of the question. I don’t think my answer got any points with her!

And then as we spoke a bit more, I heard myself talk. I did have my kids because I wanted to. Sumit and I knew we wanted to be parents.  For us, it may be because Sumit and I decided to start early on the 'parenting' band wagon. We really didn’t analyze too much. We both wanted kids at some point and in all honesty, earlier felt better. We grew up with V and enjoyed  her childhood innocence immensely. With Little Lady again, we really didn’t want to over-analyze, is now a good time? Is next year? It felt right and we went for it.

We are blessed with V and Little Lady who are AWESOME kids! Yes they are a LOT of work, but they are a LOT of fun. An evening gets colorful with the un-ending chatter box V. A trip to the park becomes a bit more exciting as I swing along my preschooler. A trip to the mall becomes oh so cute, as I browse the infant section with the cutest onesies possible.

But behind all the smiles and giggles, there is a LOT of work, pain, tears (generally mine!), scheduling nightmare, expenses etc etc. But I had my kids for us and its an added advantage that  they are a lot of fun.

She asked me again: 'Do you find them fulfilling?'

Hmm, no, I think my life is pretty fulfilling as it was prior to having V and Little Lady. I was very content with my life even prior to marriage. But with the three important part of my life now, they all make it 'fun'. There is no better way to describe it than that: Fun. Plain and Simple.

I say again, it’s a lot of work, sacrifices, adjustment. But it’s a lot about your own perspective.

Things are no longer, pack your bags and let's make a trip. It's make a list, pack your stuff, re pack, carry all types of first aid things, then pack some more. And then may be make a trip.

Things are no longer, lets catch a movie tonight. They are more like: Schedule a sitter, bribe a friend to baby sit, then find the right movie time after the kids sleep time, run for the movie, come home and sleep if you didnt manage to sleep in the movie since it was too loud.

Work is no longer the continuous hours until it’s done. Its work, come home, do evening chores, and then may be with a big cup of joe, work some more to finish off the work.

EVERYTHING takes twice as long as before!

BUT and a VERY IMPORTANT BUT

I love being a mom, I love the fun and smiles it adds to my life. For me, its de-stressing. You really cannot be angry/tired all the time with kids around. They observe. I really have learned to compartmentalize work and home much better.

Plus when it gets really tiring, there are date nights, movie nights, girls nights, holidays and vacations. And when it gets really long hours, there are extended visits to grandparents!

Sorry babes, I could not answer your question: I don’t know why people have kids! I know why we had ours- They are FUN! What about you, why would you/ did you have kids?

But in spirit of full disclosure. I love the post 7:30 pm bliss, when the kids are sleeping and I am relaxing- just my kind of fun!

Photography has ruined travel. Has it?

The title from the CNN article was enough to make me stop and read it. And then read it again, think about it, process it. Hmm 'Photography has ruined travel' one line I smirked about was 'My memories are framed by the 2x2-inch blurry screen of my camera. Not once did I look up to see the fish with my own eyes. '

It has happened to me before. Most recently in Scotland, I was so busy taking the right picture of the pony and my daughter feeding it the cut apple, that I can’t remember her squeals of her laughter. True.

Has photography really ruined travel? I don’t think so. The first thing I pack on a trip is our camera's (Point N Shoot & SLR) with their chargers. I need a camera to capture the moments. I often sit on our couch on go over the pictures from back then and smile. They are hundreds, but I still enjoy them all the time. I need my pictures. For myself. For refreshing the memories made, relishing the chocolate cake, smelling the coffee, reliving the laughter, everything. Pictures make travel and experiences more memorable!

Having said that, Yes, I do hate the Iphone/ smart phone cameras. Don’t get me wrong, I use them all the time, but somehow they don’t qualify as 'pictures'. They are just a log of activity done.

Anyhow, the other thing the article also touched upon was 'googling about planning a trip'. Hmm,  Guilty as charged. It generally starts with a Wiki search, followed up by travel reviews, some blogs and so on. One hour gone.

But that’s when it stops. Sumit and I then go to the library, get a travel book, be it Frommers, Lonely Planet whatever. But get the book, read it, mark it and then based on our 'antiquated research' plan a trip.

This is then followed up by finding the 'deals online' for travel, accommodation and what have you. Plan, Find, Book. Enjoy!

On a trip itself, we have often being condemned by family, that we are cut off. Guilty again. Emails are checked very rarely, Facebook, not at all, phones only for incoming urgent calls. Rest, it’s the trip, us, laughter, relaxation and of course the camera. And yes, the smart phone left in the car for the hikes.

What about you? DO you agree with the author that photography spoils the travel itself? Do pictures aid your trip, or do you say ' I have to snap this and put it on Facebook'?

Next, How do you plan your trips? And if you are backpacker.... hmm, when is your next trip? Count us in!

One post in draft for the longest is @facebook: Is it like high school all over again? But being on FB and enjoying it a lot, I hate to bitch about it. So the draft post, stays in draft a bit longer! Your views?

Not so random thoughts...

I read this article 'Why I left India(again)' recently and re-read this today. I know this article has made rounds over and over again. It has been commented/ criticised, appreciated and murdered.

For me, it felt very real. I hung onto each word and involuntarily shaking my head. I think I can relate to where the author was coming from.

I have been out of India for a decade now. My formative and impressionable years have been out of India. I have been teased as NRI (Not Required in India).

I go 'back home' on and off to meet family, eat at familiar joints, try out new places, relax in air conditioning and appreciate the help at home. I go back since my family is there, it’s my native country. But more often than not, towards the end of my trips, I crave to come back to my familiar grounds. Being in 'vacation mode' might have a lot to do with that.

Being expats in London now, I am often asked: Where are you from? I should respond @I am from India, but more often than not my response is 'I recently moved from Chicago.'

Why you ask?

I can relate to my life in US much more than I can relate to my life a decade ago in India.

It sucks to say that. But it’s true. It took me a lot of time and courage and guilt to come out and say: 'I don’t think I am returning to India anytime soon, barring any life changing/ family health emergencies, we are living outside India'

Once I said that out loud, I repeated it and made peace with myself. Yes, I get scornful looks, raised eyebrows, OMG how can you say that and best of all 'Traitor'

I am learning to develop a thick skin now.

My family life, professional obligations and daughter’s upbringing and education has made definitely made a huge contribution in our decision/ state of mind. But if I look in the mirror, its more to do with 'My View Today'.

India is my native country. No matter where I go in life, what I do, I always will be Indian, my passport has little to do with it. I don’t have to explain how great, developing and changing India’s temperament is today. Everyone knows it. And I can’t even do justice to it.

I adore going back to India. Its home in all sense of the word. But sadly my Life is not in India right now. I may or may not return to India. But I do know wherever I am and will be, I will be Indian.

 It’s not the type of food, the language, the colour, and the clothes you wear; where you live that make you more or less Indian. Your ethnicity makes the foundation of who you are. Period.

Do you plan your dinners in advance?

I don’t. Well, I try to; but generally on my walk home, I think about which vegetable is almost spoiled, what's left in the fridge and above all what I think my tummy feels like eating. I sometimes can’t make up my mind and ask hubby and V, only to get confused and then make something completely different.
For busy lives, they recommend- plan your weekly menu in advance, will save you the procrastination! You can do grocery shopping accordingly and be on track. Hmm. Firstly, for us, hubby does the grocery shopping, so that's out the window and secondly- menu planning- I have tried that. Once. I stuck to one day in the entire week. The rest, it got too hard to keep up.
My household is not fussy when it comes to food. They eat what I cook. But we are a pampered lot. Over the years and a lot of experimentation later, our own standards of food at home have increased! We like to eat different things each night. Left over’s are perfect lunch the next day. The foodies in us makes it vary from Indian, to Thai, to Pasta's to Panini's to Mexican, to Lets mix and match - called Tapas night (in my mind!) ;-) all in a week's timeframe.

Hence, back to the original problem- What to make for dinner tonight? There are those evenings, when I say "Black Bean burgers tonight pakka"... and dinner turns out to be "Palak Roti" Just because I felt like being more involved in the kitchen! Hence my walk-home-menu-planning goes out the window.
I think of myself as an average planned person. So there are times, I know- I will pre-soak the beans or lentils, I will finely chop the vegetables in advance, or buy the sour dough bread for the Panini's from that one baker which we love! It’s not all that random. But generally speaking- for everyday dinners in our house- It's as random as it can get.

In your household, how do you decide- what's for dinner? How much time to you spend in deciding the menu? Does it bother you at all in what's for dinner tonight? Do you cook every day?

Just some time....

... for myself.
I have said it, written about it, discussed, it cried about it, felt guilty about it. But I have vented out and made sure to do something about carving some time out for myself. It might be just cooking. For me cooking is therapeutic. It’s relaxing and stress free... if I don’t have to entertain inquisitive toddlers questions all the time! But bottom line, with my continuous rants, I make sure to do something just for myself.. even if its once a week. It might be a girls night, a walk by myself, a manicure session, a gossip call with a friend, writing till wee hours of morning, a shopping spree.. anything!
The other evening, i thought about my husband- my team! He does not discuss, write, complain, nag or anything else for his lack of "me-time" Nothing. Nada. With both of us working, and him taking a daily two to three hour commute just so we can live next door to my work and daughter's day care reduces a relaxed evening for him to zero! The occasional downtime he does get is spent with our daughter, or catching up paper work outside work and other errands I ask him to do.
Hmm, now please don’t judge me as being a selfish prick who does not value the necessity for me-time for hubby. I value it completely and hence the realization -I am not supporting him as much as he is supporting me to carve out me-time for ourselves.
But, it leads to a bigger question, why does he not complain about the lack of "me time".
Are men wired so differently?
So I asked him?.. and all he said is, for "me-time" anything sports related is perfect. I don’t need to be doing something to feel relaxed. A mindless TV show, a movie or just sitting on the couch without getting bothered is good enough. When you are out for your me-time and kid is sleeping, it’s my me-time as well. No big deal.
Yes, I hugged him tight right there and then.
For me it’s not as simple, I need to be doing something for "me-time".
I am jealous. I am envious of the simplicity of his wiring. His me-time is a simple down time where he gets his mind and body relaxed. Nice.
I will try it sometime soon.

Acad versus Artsy

Recently I was talking with a friend about two different day care programs and approach. He went to research two schools with very similar background but completely different outlook.
One school focussed on creative arts and music. The other school focussed on academia and music.
The first school, taught the ABC's with art projects. The kids would draw or color and Apple and know that A is for apple. They would sing the "A" song and learn the sounds of the alphabet. The other, would show pictures of Apple, Ankle, Ant and relate it to real life. It would instill 'A' sounds like "aa" and then the kids would learn to recognise the alphabet. And then both schools would move on to the next alphabet.
The kids in both school seem well rounded. Probably the kids from the first school come home more messy thanks to the color overflow! But teaching the same thing in pretty different approaches.
As we both discussed pro and cons. We were both at a loss which one is better. I studied in a very academia focussed system. I did have paint, dance and sport classes as well. But still the focus was math and science. The friend of mine put it aptly..... untill 3 years, all the fun and frolic is great, but after 3, the kid needs to learn the way of the world.
I was a bit taken aback. Though, I still understood his point. One always wants the best for the kid, let the kid explore his best fit, but then there are norms or what you think are norms for the kids. You tell me, which conversation will go better: Oh my kid can add single digit numbers, or that my kid can draw entire beach scene.
Is three the new threshold for learning the real stuff? Art is an expression of the creative mind. The brush and the paper has no boundary. Academics is the best gift a child can ever receive.
I am at loss. My daughter V is coming close towards the threshold age! I probably will face the same conundrum soon- The Art way or the Acad way! Or may be.. I can figure out a way for V to have both.
Which route would you take for yourself, for your kids, your cousins.... does it really matter?

Week 2 Report! Urgh, Damn, Urgh!!!!

Ok...this week was really bad. Really Really bad! Besides being a crazy week, it turned out to be a Lazy week. I hit the gym 1 time, and rest of the days, I didn’t couldn't wouldn't do anything else. I was actually regretting talking about my 'attempt' on my blog. Since now I have to honestly own up to it. I can't let this attempt of getting fitter sweep under the rug like one of the previous ones and move on with life. No! Thanks, to this blog I have to at least see through the eight weeks (Now 6) Damn! Why oh why, did I actually publish this!
Urgh! That’s me being honest, and yes I know the whole crap of “it’s good for you, and being physically fit it better in the long run” and” I am doing the right way”, but urgh!
But it did get me thinking on a Saturday afternoon, while I was just checking emails, catching up on blogs and facebook of course. Why, don’t I go to the gym now? And that’s what I did. It felt good and luckily my motivation came back in full force! Well almost full force.
Main improvement during this week was my food chart. Well spaced out, filling meals and guess what I managed a healthy breakfast as well on a couple of days. And the Wii Fit, we will find out tonight!
And as I just re-read the words above, I am realizing maybe it’s a good thing to talk about this. May be I will actually follow through. May be just to improve my weekly report, I will do it. Ok. Self motivation, SD-motivation back, blog-motivation back! Phew. I should, I must and I will!!! Week 3, I will try to be better… I will Try honestly try!
Guys Help please.............

Technically S****ed!

A lot has been read, written, shared, discussed, debated, condoned, and laughed about this whole Shoaib- Sania debacle. The Shoaib- Ayesha phone marriage, The Shoaib- Sania tie up, The Sania break up, the love story, the patriotism, the location of post marital bliss, the guest list and so on! Just Google and you will find the answers.
So, I don’t want to write about this whole thing and my take and my opinions. Since honestly, it does not matter.
What I do want to write about is technology’s ‘interference’ in today's modern courtship, marriages, break-up's and its strain on relationships.
Phone, emails, web chats, FB's, Twitter, Orkut and I don’t know how many other ways are there to communicate with your sweetheart. Just may be check up on them, drop a quick note, check them out or simply let the other know you are thinking about them.
In case you are cheating (Shame on you); there is not the strand of hair or the lipstick mark your spouse will be looking out for. It’s the internet print! It’s the online statements, the phone records and may be the emails. The main flip side of technology is too much in touch. There are times when I would try to reach SD on any of the three numbers and 2 emails, just to let him know: V did this! For that moment, if he is in a meeting or no, doesn’t matter, the achievement could not wait, you see.
I remember a while ago, on a girl’s night out. All of us made the conscious decision of leaving the cell phones in the purse and not touch them. Trust me, the powder breaks were more than often that night.
We need to be in touch; else we will feel left out. Technology just makes it easier.
Phones are just not simple anymore. You can access anything and everything from that tiny thing you lug around! From the ‘mini-machine’ you can update FB: ‘Your wife packed you Masala Dosa's for lunch.’ "Awwww" yes, but seriously, now I am craving it, and there is no Udipi in my area.
Somehow, gone are the days where love, passion was a feeling, a sensation, a feel good thought. It was more about coy looks, shy smiles, reading letters, hiding the blush, waiting for that one call, one visit. Now it’s more about sharing the pictures, the text's, discussing the break up’s, and above all: Leaving it all open. On the phone, the web enabled phone (Is there any other kind, you ask!)
Recently, I asked a friend, so any one special? Her goofy response: When FB tells you, you'd know. I was taken aback, but let it be.
Now how does this all tie back to the Shoaib-Sania story? Imagine 2 decades ago, a call overseas would be a trunk call. For which both the parties would have book the call, wait by the phone. Wait, wait and then wait some more. When the call finally came through, may be one of the witnesses went to the rest room. So now, you still cannot get married, since you can’t be on the phone while the witness takes a tinkle. It’s way too expensive. So you request the operator to re-call in a bit. You howl at the witness on the return and then wait again. No one is allowed to eat or drink now. The call comes in, but no speaker phone right? So for the witnesses to hear, both parties will have to speak their commitment multiple times. Remember: “Haan Bhai Haan!” Now, within this duration, the call get cut sometimes, the lights go out or simple: You are screaming into the phone, since the other side can barely hear!
It’s too stressful! So you call it a day. Book your train tickets to the place, get married and have a legit proof of the marriage: “Two people side by side, holding their hands and making the most important commitment of their lives" with the witnesses physically present and not over Telephone. And yes with food and merriment.
So Shoaib: it's not your fault really to get “tricked” in this phone marriage: It’s the cell phone company’s fault to make it so easy to call with caller ID on. Techonolgy screwed it up for you. Sorry.
Just one question lingers in my mind: How come none of the parties recorded this call? Wouldn’t you save all the marriage pictures, why not the recording?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..Got to go, the RSS feed on my phone shows a recent development on this scandal: Sania's statement!

Is it okay...

...to sit cross legged (Aalti Paalthi) in your office chair, while you are working away on your machine. Is it okay to maintain that posture while you are glued to your screen if someone stops by?

I dont know.. but i do it never the less. Honeslty, if I am at my desk, I generally am sitting cross legged, with my head set on, my water and hot herbal tea at arms length and the rest of my space alligned to the way I like it! My zone ;-)
It makes me feel comfortable, keeps me focussed and makes me keep my back more upright! I know, when i work with my feet down, I do tend to slouch! Causing the repeptetive back pains! I do have a foot stool (A habit i cultivated while i was pregnant!). But still.... between the two, the foot stool and the cross legged. I choose the latter.
Lately, i have been thinking about the perception of passer by's. Does it look bad/ unprofessional/ un lady-like! Hmm.
Again, this is only at my desk!

But is being comfortable while you work away, which in my case is sitting cross legged, considered..hmm... lax? Does it give the impression to passer by's.. i am well relaxing! Hmm May be a bit too comfortable. May be weird!
I dont know! Am i over reacting, over thinking. I honeslty hope so....
But what about you.. do you have a sitting way which makes you most efficient at work? Would you react negatively if you saw a person sitting cross legged? Do you think anyone cares!?

Is less really more?

I have friends who will make a simple black shirt be a piece of art... They will be able to wear the same shirt with so many different accessories.. that it will always leave you wondering.. Is it the same shirt? They call it the "Classic Piece!"
It leads me to talk about The Uniform project. A fashionista friend of mine, introduced me to the project, and I must say, I have been hooked ever since. The project itself is ingenious. It is a lot of things; for me, its about sustainable fashion, fashion with a cause, the power of layering, mix and matching and above all doing it all for a wonderful cause. I, as you can imagine, am super impressed.
It somehow makes me wanna experiment. I am generally classified as boring with my "attempts". I am by no means am super stylish (Yes I know, I suck!), but at the same time, I can’t call myself simple. I am some what in between... like most! I like to dress well, but for me, I believe in comfort! I wear what I prefer... somehow is never the trend, its simpler.
On a nasty afternoon, right after I had V, a very dear friend of mine intervened and told me: you have to take care of yourself, to be able and willing to take care of others!
I heard what she was saying, that day, I was miserable, no sleep, an almost infant V trying to adjust to me, in my ugliest PJ's just trying on pre-maternity jeans which refused to fit.
Motherhood or not, we all have been there. For girls- it could be fat days, bad hair days or just.. Nothing fits phase! And a friend of mine who always says: "I have nothing to wear tonight" with a closet full! ;-) You know who you are!!!
Sadly, I am there as well, more often than not. And every time I peek into my closet, I’d see clothes hanging, but I don’t know what to wear! It’s a constant struggle. Like most... I don’t have a closet the size of a room. It’s just enough for me to be comfortable with. So back to square one.
Sometime I feel I don’t have enough clothes.. and then sometimes I am like.. enough is enough.. I haven’t even worn this in months now! And then it’s back to the "I dont have enough clothes" rant... urgh!
Funnily I know; the girls reading this are nodding! And the guys are grudging.
What is it... with us girls... we never know... .is less more.. or is more never enough?

Yes.. we'll invest in the quality versus quantity until the sale comes along in BCBG, where we will vow to not enter to avoid ugly temptation.. And then the next minute we will be out with our contented shopping bags claiming…. It was such a great deal! I haven’t shopped in so long!
On my previous post about shoes, a friend told me, as girls we can never have enough shoes, purses or clothes. Is that true? Are we that materialistic... or are we just not satisfied.
Or are the designers and artists doing such a great job, they increase our needs for "that one dress" even though we don’t need it!
May be.. less is not more.. its just less

Sports..me.. and laziness!

Over a nail biting game of Saints Vs. Vikings, my brother made a simple statement: "Kids should be introduced to active sports from Day 1, the decision making, the active mind and the logic automatically form at an early stage!" Very true... he and SD went on to talk about some guy in CNBC who hosts a financial show and was a former NFL player. Impressive. It led me to think about a very senior colleague in a Fortune 50 who was a former championship boxer! Wow. I loved to be in meetings with him, he was concise, straight to the point and aggressive at the right level. I think I was more puppy eyed in his meetings than anything else! ;-)
I grew up in India. Till ninth grade, I was very involved with extra curricular activities. At any given point, I would be either practicing for a play for teachers day, or for a dance sequence for Helpers day. Or writing my elocution speech. Volunteering with my friends for Interact/ Rotract. Though I was never really great at sports (Read Lazy!!!), but I always participated for the qualifiers for all races, and javelin throws, and high jumps and so on. But sadly, I was just content being well in the bottom five ;-) I was really bad. But when it came to table tennis, swimming I rocked. Of course, march past! I was active on sports day's but more from the cheering side. My parents appreciated all these activities and were very proudly storing all my participating, some winning and other certificates and limited medals. But my father was also very clear, all my extra participation was fine, provided my grades stand good. There was zero margin of error. And I loved the other stuff so much, that I always did burn the midnight oil to do well in studies! The weird and geeky part is I enjoyed studying as much as I enjoyed the other stuff.
But then the lovely board exams. I opted out voluntarily of most of extra curricular. Our school didn’t encourage it as well. Then came college, well first year was definitely a party and then twelfth was board again! Then came engineering. Well. By now, college, early adulthood charms, movies, eating out, chilling with friends, bunking classes, "enjoying" took precedence over anything else. I was somewhat back to my "extra" stuff. But unlike school, it was infrequent. I got more and more involved in event planning and execution and not as much participation. I guess debating was the only thing I willingly participated in! Sports, what sports? Does dodge ball count ;-)? I mean my team and I were unbeaten champions for four years of engineering ;-) Hehe. But yes, the sports week implied: TP!! We went to college on keys games: read Finals when there was attendance! The remainder was well: being out of college! It could range from planned family vacations to total "lukha giri" on Bandra. Again, every thing was excusable and acceptable, provided the grades stood rock solid. And once again, the geeky me, overtook the chilled out me! :-D
I kept going farther and farther away from "sports". Swimming which was passion all my growing up years, took a back seat. Everything else in life took precedence over my activity level. And sadly, the similar was the case for most people around me.
Now, we have conversations with friends and family and say- oh, sports in India, if you are not in Cricket, nothing else will matter. It's not as popular in India since we are not brought up that way. Indians is the second most populated country, but every Olympics it’s a handful of people in it. Look at China! There are just enough state of the art facilities. and so on...
When i look back at all my school- college years. I think; I grew lazy, and distant from sports. There was no outside pressure, there was no one telling what to do and not do. I made my choice. I didn’t play TT, though I had two tables and semester championships in college. I had a table in my building for crying out loud. The pool and the club house were ten minutes away. But I considered watching friends and then talking about "How could Ross do that" over the phone more engrossing than a swim! I myself digressed, and didn’t even try to cultivate my own talents. I might not have been a champion... but at least I would have the pride of following through.
No wonder the sports teachers, the gym instructors back home, are underpaid and super frustrated. Since they see; whatever efforts they put in is going to waste. Since the kid will move to things which give them instant pleasure and not a long term benefit! What's the point of the state of the art facilities when only a few people use it!
I only see that now. Not back then. .. Then it was just the "uncool" thing to do!

Yes.. this is my story.. And definitely other people might not agree.....but sadly I don’t know many. Do you?

Things in India are changing now, i am told. And i am happy about that! I really do hope the future generations, start seeing the benefits of sports at an earlier age.. and more importantly continue it through their lives! And yes... The grades unaffected! ;-)

Stress.... and its ugly head!

Lately, i have found myself in various arguments. They have ranged from conversations to heated discussions and in one case a person banging their hand on the conference table. All of these have been in a professional setting and i can sense the stress of the impending deadline on everyone!
However, it did make me take a step backward and realize how differently people behave and talk while under pressure.
A cool as a cucumber person can suddenly jump up and down, be all defensive, aggressive and unpredictable. A generally hot tempered person, might just regress and for once count one to ten over and over again! An introvert suddenly blossoms as a public speaker. A general talker starts to stutter! And so on. In anger, embarrassment and accusations, the cheeks turn pink, the fists get curled and the palms get sweaty. Some keep tapping on the foot (Yes i hate it!!!), some keep circling the pen (Me!!), some scribble profusely, some bite their lips, some turn red.. and very very few, stay the same!
Every person has their own demeanor in their moment of work stress. Reason i am calling work stress out specifically since, i know personal stress can cause you to behave in a completely different way.
Well, at least that’s the case with me! At home, with a deadline approaching, i get i my zone, don’t want disturbances. I don’t think twice before ordering the people around me. As per some, turn into a spiteful control freak. ;-) Yes.. That’s me! I can giggle right after, but for that one minute, i am the boss from hell! (Self declared boss- mind you!)
At work, with a deadline approaching, i am a completely different person. I am "more collaborative", generally the calmer one, and will not think twice before getting cookies for "the" meeting to keep everyone slightly less hmm temperamental. I still am "more vocal", more "fact specific" more "direct" but generally i will be fine.
I cant say whether i work better under pressure or worse. All i can say, is professionally, i will be fine! Yes my walk home will be longer to vent the frustration, the caffeine intake will increase and of course, i will be more dressed up! (I believe, when sad, when upset, when stressed, dress better: the process has a calming effect).
But mind you, in my field of work, the stress and the deadlines are all cyclic. We will see a spurt of activity for 2 continuous weeks and then a regular day at office for four weeks. So its well paced and i love it.

Arguments, discussions, stress... everyone has a different mechanism of coping or not coping with it. In one meeting, i will be relaxed, but the one right after i might actually get agitated. At home, for i might be nastier or for the other one, be a case of giggles. Its all spread out and varied.
Thank god for Post Its! It avoids my over-whelming moments from over-whelming me! How about you?
How do you behave in stress? How do cope with it... and above all- do you change under stress?

"Power of connection” Well the FB kind!

I have been on FB for a while. Actually just over six months now. Friends arm twisted me into getting there; and someone has to pretty much body twist me in getting me out of there. I caved in and followed the trend and honestly I am loving it. I check in from time to time on FB, on what my friends are upto; what’s the world thinking today, what’s the latest grapevine; and yes.. follow the fad: The latest... raise breast cancer awareness by posting the color of your bra! WTF! Yes.
I logged in the morning and I kept wondering what’s with the facebook status of colors man. Why do i see, pink, red, white, black; and then I check my email! Aha! One of my girlfriends sent me an email.. Write the color... like your girl friend's status and tell the 'sisterhood!' That’s exactly what i did! Cute, catchy way of raising breast cancer awareness, i thought!
And then came more colors... and then came all guys responses.. cheesy, trying to be funny and some horrific: Here are the examples:
"Show me, dont tell me!".. followed by "How can we be sure of the colors mentioned on fb; please send pics ;)".. followed by "Doctor recommends, purple, blue, black".. and others like.."Lacy or not!", "I have colorful friends" and so on!
In less than twelve hours... the network had articles all over explaining what's going on. A word Slacktivismwas coined.. and used very well in this context. There were enough debates and discussions about it. There were people being super inquisitive, super funny and super embarrassing... But point was: The word spread.. People did speak about breast cancer awareness outside the doctor's office or out of hushed conversations in the corridor.
Yes, there are other ways of raising awareness... but as i told a friend of mine; by far.. it is the funniest and the most inexpensive way that i have seen.
A very close friend's mum had breast cancer. Thankfully, she is doing well now, but she told me, it was only due to the self examinations which her daughter forced her into!
A lot of people still don’t talk about it openly and I get that... It's personal! But i do bow down to the power of “FB” connection, in talking up one issue so close to the "sisterhood" that it made people stop and take notice.. And in their own way.. Spread the word!
And yes… agreed… the color has nothing to do with the awareness… but the cause has.
I don’t know about the origins of this, who started it, it might have been a sicko who is now smirking in delight; or it might have been a simple idea which gained global.. well Facebook momentum!

Oh by the way... Cancer is the number 2 killer in US. And 15% of cancer deaths are due to Breast Cancer! And i didn’t know it, until i researched for this post!

For once, i was okay with sharing just a bit too much information!

The fear

I have written about 26/11. Read about the terror stories and the tales of average common man turning into something incomprehensible. Things which i saw only in movies being repeated in real life and acts being more heinous, and crimes being more hurtful. Simply said, its not explainable. But i must say; The terrorists, have done one thing right, which is instill fear on a day to day basis. We might not think about it day in and day out. But its there!
Last night, we were at the airport dropping off IL's. It was a direct flight to India, so needless to say, over 85% of the travelers were Indian. While we were sitting with IL's and laughing at V's jokes, a lady late 40's came by. Sat down. She was dressed simply in black pants and black jacket. I smiled at her, she looked back. But that's it. Then in a minute asked us in Hindi if we could watch her luggage while she went to buy tea. Its just chai, we Indian's are tea-addicts. In a second, i said yes. I mean why not!
Instantly SD who was on the other side of the gate, rushed to me, and said: Why did you that? I was confused, did what?. He said- Airport officials make it very clear to not look after anyone's bag. You shouldn't have. Not in this day and age!!
I was dumbfounded. He was right. I should not have. We waited for the lady to come back. 10 minutes, no sight of her. Her luggage was right there, untouched. By now, i was officially worried. I mean who leaves there stuff with perfect strangers and goes for 10 minutes plus. Who in there right mind would volunteer to look after someone's luggage at an airport with strict norms.
Yes, i was anxious. I told SD, if the lady doesn't come in the 15th minute, i am going to the person behind the desk and telling him the story. Even if it might seem unalarming to them. Having seen enough movies, read enough thriller novels and having an active imagination, i had played out several scenarios in my mind. The worry had transformed to anxiety which was transforming to fear with every passing second. SD was calmer, though a bit upset at my carelessness, he volunteered to go and find the lady. She was "at the Starbucks sipping on her tea blissfully unaware. Phew! SD asked her to come back and take care of her own luggage. She stomped her feet back, and I think she was offended, since for the rest of the evening, she darted looks at us. But at that point, i didn’t care.
Then it hit me, Fear is deeply rooted in our minds. I have heard the announcements on airport and train stations: "Don’t leave bags unattended. Report anything suspicious!" For those 15 minutes of waiting, the words on the radio were making perfect sense; they were resonating in my ears.
Recently in my " eights " i mentioned "World Peace". It was by no means written casually. It might seem too general but it is true. Don’t all of us want to live a life without fear, without hatred and without anxiety?
Wouldn't you want to do something for someone without thinking twice? Even if it was a simple thing like watching over their bags!