Friday, November 27, 2009

Happy Anniversary to us!!!!

Clich├ęd yes.. But its true.. Feels like yesterday, that we took the vow of spending the rest of our lives together! To cherish each other, to stand by the other in times of sickness and health, in times of pain and in times of happiness and be with each other no matter what.
And yes, may be i am a convert to a hopeless romantic- I don’t believe i am said that out loud!

It is our wedding anniversary and i reminisce. We have come a long way from long phone conversations, long emails and even longer chat sessions, from frequent flight to cross country drives, to blissful married life!
Here is why i cherish this day, and why it is so special to me. Besides it being the day i got married!
Like most girls, growing up, i dreamed of my knight in shining armor on a white horse to come and whisk me off my feet and take me away. Luckily for me, it literally did happen like that.
I remember the evening we got married. He was dressed in beautiful gold, silver, slight pink slight blue shervani with glittering jewels all over and riding a white horse. (Its customary in my part of the country that the groom comes on a horse!) He was walking down the aisle covered in red roses, while i walked in from the the other side, the demure bride in gold, silver and deep pink gorgeous attire. I had the funny knot in my stomach. The minute i looked up, the moment was much more than what i had imagined it to be. For us, the world stood still, our family, our friends were besides us experiencing this moment with us.
It was just perfect.

We are building our lives together. Each day is special, each glance is cute, each argument is well taken, each gesture is thoughtful! Every minute is well spent. Our daughter V is a heaven sent gift. She makes us into kids one minute and adults in the next and then kids once again. Needless to say i am enjoying our role reversals very much. There are times, when i would see SD read V's books with much intent. He would see me playing with V's stuff toys.. and of course V would be with our blackberry's and laptops! You see 'role reversal'.

On our anniversary, i confess, on this day, there is always the same funny knot in my stomach. I can go on and on.. But i wont. All i can say is Thank You: To support me when i fall, to encourage me when i am down, to appreciate me when i achieve, to listen when i am angry, to lecture me when i am wrong, to love with my flaws.
SD..... Thanks for being who you are; a wonderful husband, a doting father, a caring friend, a naughty kid, a dutiful son, a family man, a comforting cushion, an ally, a spy, .. and above all.. being my 'bubu'!

Its a wonderful adventure.. and i am sure it will continue to be one. Yes the path, is hilly, its up and down, its curvy and its stable. But hand in hand, i know, we know... It will be perfect.
Here's wishing us a very Happy Anniversary!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Chalta hain....

I know I am late for this... but somehow watching the HBO documentary last night stirred up a whole series of emotions all over for me.
I still remember that call!!! I was sitting in my office meeting in my power suit meaning business! I get a call at a very odd hour from back home, its my brother. I do pick it up in the midst of the meeting, considering the oddity of the hour! He asks- Have you seen TV, I was like come on, I am in a meeting. He briefs me: "A bunch of gunmen have entered Taj and are spraying bullets everywhere. All of us are fine, but our city is at war". I hung up. Shocked, taken aback and dumbfounded. My team asks if everything is fine. I said no. I excused myself, gathered myself together and went back to my meeting- business as usual. The remaining 45 minutes, were really long. I feared the worst. The meeting ended. I was glued on my black berry from then until I reached my desk. And then the reality hit.
I remember it was a long weekend here in US. And yes, long it was. We cancelled all our plans. Our wedding anniversary falls in the long weekend. We just couldn't make ourselves gather up to celebrate when our city burned! We were glued to the TV sets, ensuring to call everyone we knew back home and make sure they were safe.
Yes, it was very scary to be far away, but for once I was guilty of feeling better away than there!
Fast forward to now. It’s almost been a year. The documentary on HBO did a very good job of portraying the facts of the evening as they happened. It was true, it was disgusting and it was chilling!
For the hour the documentary ran, SD and I were glued to our couch and were flabbergasted. At the masterminds of the insane people who for some reason had the calmest voices during the attacks and were happily cheering while they killed, they murdered, they burnt and they spread the violence around. The calmest, shrilling voices i have heard! I was dumbfounded at the lack of leadership and the cowardice of our brave but unprepared Mumbai Police. I could see the confusion in people who were meant to protect the city. I couldn't get over the fact, the senior most people were shot within two hours of the attack and for the remainder 58 hours, no one stepped up, no one took charge of the situation! Not until the commando's got there!
I know hindsight vision is 20/20. And when we look at news after the fact, we can work out various strategies that might have helped! If not avoid it, then cope with it as it happens. We needed to take control, take charge and do the righteous things for the ten terrorist who got my country and the entire world at a standstill.
I know it’s easier said than done. I am far away from my country and I have no right at pointing fingers and calling names! I get that.
But someone explain this- 10 gunmen came undetected, they walked in the Mumbai alleys like they owned the place. They entered the most prestigious locations, heritage buildings and sprayed fire and were unhurt until the 54th hour of their "mission". All this while, hundreds of policemen scoured the streets in confusion, senior people in the command post who would get more information from media than their people on the ground. They could listen to the calls of the terrorists and still not take a pre-emptive strike.!.
The "chalta hai" attitude of us Indians, is now a double edged sword. We can adjust and mingle in any circumstances. We will "adjust" Things will keep happening, and we will keep getting hurt, and we will get up and look back and say "Jo hua so hua" (What's been done is done....). "Let’s move on!"
And the funny thing is we will take pride in coming back to normalcy in 24 hours! I don't get it.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Hope...

That is something i like, i live by and i sustain by. I will spurt out something which i normally would not on this public blog.. But it is something important and will help explain the context of my remainder post.
I think, i believe in myself to be an optimist. I believe in the silver lining, i always know and think there is light at the end of the tunnel. And i remind myself and SD all the time to breathe, count to ten and smile. Things will always work out for the best in "long term!"
The reason i share this personal tid bit is because of this lovely post i read this morning. I have been following Sharell for a while now, and i enjoy reading her "gora" version of settling in my alma mater, my city- Mumbai.
Her latest post on Moving on Up once again reinforces my vision in the "long term" plan. There are times when i feel my core shaking up and me actually questioning the light at the end of the tunnel. But SD would remind me of my core and re-enforce me. But then at times its this blogosphere where unknowingly you'd meet new friends, re-acquaint with older friends or even just continue amazing relationships who'd in there unique ways would come to my rescue!!!
I am just glad to be surrounded with lovely people and have a strong support structure which in ways even they don’t know, help get my footing back and then i can continue to believe that in my naive world, Things always will work out and will always be for the best. And for that, i thank them. :-)
In SD's words. Life and some decisions in life is like Poker. In poker, you make a decision knowing what you have in hand and what’s evident from the cards below. You make your call at that moment with your math, your probabilities and your gut feeling. But you make that decision based on what you know now. The next card, the turn, might make you question your decision. But by the time the river card is opened, all bets are off. The decision you made then stands true. And knowing what you knew then, you wouldn't play it any other way. Life draws a parallel to that, you make some decisions with what you know at that point. And in the long run, it will be for the best since there is no other path you might have taken would explain anything else. Makes sense?

And oh yes, everything is fine. This highly philosophical writing comes in out of nowhere. Trust me. I could blame it on Sharell and how her lovely post made me think. Or it could be my highly caffeinated mind which is making me over analyze her words. Or it could be me just in my Monday Morning blue's!

Either or, now that is out of my system. I feel better, and i know "Life is good". But you would know that, the three words... "Life is Good" is something that SD and I believe very very strongly in. You would know, since you have this blogsite in your IE Favorites, in your daily to do reads and you read and tell all about this blog to all you know [Hehe Evil Laughter!;-) ]But if you have not been following my blog [tch tch!!!!Shame on you..;-)] you wouldn't know..... That there is actually some pattern in my madness! It all leads to one thing - "Life is good!"

Monday, November 9, 2009

Crossing of the boundary!!!!

SD and I share a common passion with the outdoors, with socializing and with anything that involves having a good time. We love to do all this with V. By now, she is used to meeting all our friends, she is getting used to being picked up, being pampered and doted on. Above all she seems to enjoy it as well!
After having V, so far we have been successful at striking a balance between toddler activities and things we like to do
. The following is a very common day in our house: Day will be the zoo, evening will be the park, and once V is asleep and being watched by her grandparents, SD and I head out, for plays, for friends, for lounges, for the "grown up" stuff as we tell V.
This weekend, very sadly, I mixed the two. For the first time in two years and have been super guilty of it!
There is no other way to say this but that SD and I enjoy a good game of poker. Our winter weekends are well spent with friends who share our passion! But, there was a golden rule: We play only when V is sleeping or napping.
For a lot of reasons, yesterday the game started when V was awake. It was fine, we were at a friends and V had her play dates she loves to hang out with! She was super cool; no troubles, was happily eating, playing with her toys, her play date and singing merrily. She was oblivious of the fact that a bunch of adults were on the poker table and really hoping that the kids’ don’t come and read out the cards!
Of course she would come to me, if something was not right ="the toddler toy phone not opening, She was not sharing her snacks with her play date and other similar toddler troubles" And yes, I would tend to them. Would resolve the conflict and would get up to fix there snacks, wipe the mouths, hands, feet, and be back in time to make my "check/bet" SD would the same as well.
But I was torn; though I was on a roll, and winning my hands. As our friends said: "The distraction with her helped my poker face" I was at the same time not engaging her enough. Yes I would tell her be right there, but then I would wait until the flop and then rush to her.
So you get my evening, I was torn in my own pleasure and my amazing toddlers play time. Even though I consider myself a good multi tasker, so far I have not multi tasked with V's play time with my play time. (Yes the laundry, dinner, cleaning doesn’t count as multi tasking with V time! Wink!)
Phew, Don’t judge me, I did get her changed, did her bed time routine and put her to bed per schedule (Yes, in the middle of the game!) Thank god, our friends are super awesome and understand this! But yes, I did feel and am still feeling the guilt of messing the golden rule up.
The sad part is, I can’t say, something similar won’t happen again. There will be super bowls, walks, plays which will need this crossing of the "play times". I have to let go a bit and realize that she is growing up as well and does not need the constant engagement. She may actually enjoy reading her book by herself sometimes.
At the same time, I have to understand that with all the hard work SD and I put in during the week, its okay for us to enjoy our "grown up" activities with V awake. I don’t become a bad parent just because I let her be with messy hands for an additional minute.

Or at least that’s what I am telling myself

Monday, November 2, 2009

I'm Back!!!!

I really don't know where to begin.. It’s hard. Where should i start- should it be the sun, the sand, the amazing vineyard views, the lovely sea shore drives, the relaxing mornings, the late evenings, the lazy days! Meeting old friends, their kids, meeting family; where..
Where should i begin describing this completely rejuvenating vacation. Ah... After a long time, i woke on a Monday morning refreshed, and no effort. I was actually ready to get back to work! Surprising.
But yes, that’s what this vacation did to us. On our flight back SD and I were discussing different things on the trip that stood out, that made us smile, that carved memories! We had to keep cutting the other one off.. since there was always something that came up which the other one forgot to mention!

It was perfect, we got to spend time with V without any distractions, she learned new words, met new people, experienced different foods, visited different places and yes she enjoyed a lot! Dropping her off this morning was so hard, it was like the first time i started working after we had her! :-(
In the trip, we could actually sit down with SD's parents and have a conversation. Though they have been here for a while, i don’t think we could catch up as much. Since the weekdays are always packed with work, schedules and V. The weekends always go by in a rush. For the past two weeks, all we did was spend time together as a family. It was wonderful.

I know, this relaxed feeling wont stay long. We will be back to the schedule before we know it. The rushed mornings, the sleep schedules, the planned weekends and so on. But i also do know, these past two weeks made memories of a lifetime for us. I can still feel the saltiness of the ocean breeze in my hair. I can still taste the lovely food in my mouth. I can still feel the warmth of all our friends we met. I can still feel the comfort of the resorts. I can feel the sand in my feet, the grapes in my hand and SD, V and family laughing at jokes and awwing and aahing at the views. As i type these words on my keyboard, the whole vacation is rushing through my mind like a movie.

I don’t know where to begin and where to end to describe the past two weeks.. all i know is this.. now that i am back.... for the next few weeks, there will still be an after effect of the vacation. But the memories will be etched for a long long time!