Email: "We Lost"

On a lazy weekend afternoon we are walking around downtown with the little lady enjoying the 1:1 time we rarely get with her. 

I get an email from Miss V from her Robotics competition Reading "We Lost". I show my slightly shattered phone screen to Sumit saying: I think we should go to her competition to support her and cheer her up. Losing is tough always!

Along with her team Miss V has been working to compete in FLL, A city wide Lego Robotic competition. It is her first time and is a team of middle school kids: 6th, 7th and 8th graders all working for a common goal.

Now, back to the afternoon: We reach the school and all 12 participating teams and the supporting parents/ guardians coaches are all seated on the gym bleachers awaiting the results. I was expecting sad long faces, but no, they were sitting beside each other and cheering the other one on! 

I was left astounded. Here I came prepared with pep talks and cheer up messages in my head and the kids were fine!

The Award presentation ceremony begins!

Such amazing sportsmanship seen from all teams and such little kids is unbelievable. You can see the sadness in their faces when their team is not called out, but you also see their immense happiness for other teams as they go to pick up the trophies. So much to learn from this generation.

From the sidelines of the bleachers, I see my daughter with her team crossing their fingers! The younger siblings crossing everything and being there mini cheer leaders! And they describe the next category "Judges Award: "Allows the judges the freedom to recognize remarkable teams that stand out for reasons other than the Required Award categories."

And the winner is…….. Drum roll Drum roll….. Miss V and her Team

WOWZA!!! Of Course I am misty eyed, I do the proud parents "wohoo" and hold my husband's hand a little tighter. Her team also qualifies for the State Championships!

Man, this is one roller coaster evening!

The hi-fives continue, the cheering continues and the customary pictures are clicked. The smiles stay frozen on each and every one of their faces.
 

And her email which made us rush to school was : "We Lost"

In the evening, we talked about that one email, she said the following "I was really mad and upset after the final round. And then we realized we had nothing to loose after the final round, so we kept our spirits up, played games and just relaxed a little. We had worked so hard. It was amazing just to compete. And of course winning is unbelievable"

She did learn a very important life lesson in those 12 hours herself ."Keep trying, be consistent and win or loose, it does not really matter. Just keep trying. You will be fine".

Be Inspired: Our Girls. Our future.

Summer is a season of BBQ's, Cold Drinks, Park shenanigans and this Chicago Summer is unpredictable weather wise.
We have been literally making hay when the sun shines!

At one such BBQ evening with friends, I had one of the most inspiring discussion with a friends mom, lets call her Mrs N. An accomplished lawyer, a musician, an art dabbler and over all a very well read lady.
Along with my 11 years old and Mrs N, we were discussing American politics, the current volatility and the tolerance levels of people.
This is right up the alley for Miss V, my 11 year old. She said: "My schools motto is Honor Diversity" and Mrs N said, "that's wonderful, but I really want to be in a place where we don't have to talk about these things, be it honoring diversity, women's rights etc. It should just be "normal".

True.

This led to an even more interesting discussion on how change can be bought. And Mrs N. told my 11 year old and all of us something which left us speechless and really made us ponder. Her statement was:
"One can protest by standing and picketing and holding bill boards, yes. But one can also initiate change by being in the position of power or using the power one does have to do something more impact-ful". 
To which Miss V was quick to chime "The louder one screams the lesser the impact on the issue at hand!"

Like I said, I left inspired. She recanted a story to us from her childhood on how and why she became a lawyer, which was around the Nixon Impeachment and her absolute devotion to the American Constitution was clear.
Mrs N. was telling Miss V : "We need more women, More smarter girls choosing the path of becoming a lawyer barbecue you have the ability to be neutral, to be impactful and to be just. No one can take that away from you"

Miss V i think just hovered around Mrs. N the rest of the evening.
Like I said, summer BBQ's are amazing and also this one was for a special occasion and left me
feeling very inspired and I think whatever path Miss V and my Little Lady choose, I know that our girls can have any future they dream of and work towards!

This was the perfect way to start a Chicago Summer

Serves me Right!

I blew my own trumpet recently by showing off 'de-stressing via cooking elaborate meals'.
It's only fair that I follow it up with what happened the week after: I did absolutely nothing!

We ate out twice (trust me having someone cook for you and no associated clean up was amazing)
Sumit cooked twice and we absolutely devoured the delish meals.

The stress level across both the weeks remained constant but the energy level went down, way down! 

Silver Line: I did love how being taken care of without asking. I did love to talk in a monologue with a friend just so I could vent.  In the bigger scheme of things, I did love just focusing my energy on one thing and the rest of things just 'happened'
However I  missed being the provider, being the care taker (I can complain about this, Okay).

This is the tough and the true side of parents (working or not doesn't really change this). Sometimes you get a good week, sometimes a tough week and sometimes a week from hell. Schedules line up tight, you juggle a few things, you cant get to every commitment, you don't get to oversee the homework or sit for a good meal. But somehow at the end of it, it magically "fits".

Needless to say this week I plan to catch up: Starting by warm meals in our bellies, clothes folded and well laundried also, sitting with kids while they complain  finish the homework, remembering to breathe through the stress of work and above all I plan to catch up on the the most important thing: My unfinished Netflix Series!

Bollywood: Cacophony or Harmony?

I am confused by the two movies released this year which are polar opposites in content, in characters, in story, but somehow they both strike cord!

I am not here to say which one I like more, which one was hmm. It's my opinion and I can well "word" it here!

Movie One: Padmavat-i-: The story of valor and courage of Rajput Princess, married to a kind and an honorable king and being the object of affection of a malevolent person! A story of grandeur, Love, sacrifice and above all honesty and grace! Opulent sets and a beautiful and powerful performance by all three stars!

A movie which caused a lot of controversy before its release!!

A movie I coudn't wait to see in the theaters with my mom.

And then

Movie 2: Veere Di Wedding: The story of 4 chicas gallivanting in uber modern clothes and pretty much confused in what they want in life, oblivious to what they have while riding in their Bentley's but for sure displaying the tumultuous relationships of girls! It’s a story of how they navigate through failed or failing or restoring love lives. As for the stars... one new kid left me amazed as the Dairy Queen, one left me quite impressed as the divorcee  giving the nosy Aunti-ji’s exactly what they deserved and then the for the rest I am going to stay quiet!

A movie which is causing some controversy after its release!

A movie I could not even imagine watching with my mom.

And that’s the cacophony, in today's day and age how does such opposite content survive? Are we are audience confused in what cinema is? 

For me, what drew me to the theater for both these movies is the following: 

Movie 1- the story and the clothes!!!

Movie 2- the lack of them both!!! (Yep, tongue in cheek!).

Here is the harmony of Bollywood for me: Polar opposite content but still female driven movies! Which is so inspiring.

I am not here to give a movie review, trust me. What I am here to say is- I am confused! I enjoyed them both in unique way’s and that what leaves me confused.

Imagine a movie to be a canvas painting: Each scene is a stroke of brush, unique and all adds to the final canvas! When you look at it from a distance, they both are appealing and the canvas is the director's representation of the story!!!

Kudos to these story tellers, these artists!

For us, the consumers... we see, we cherish, we critique and we move on to the next canvas.

But honestly, Bollywood continues to confuse me and I now await the next canvas!

Femi-Nazi….. No Thank You Please!

Here is what Mira Rajput, Shahid Kapoor's wife said" “I love being at home, I love being a mother to my child, I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work, why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”

 

Does her line bother me? Like the hoards of posts out there, of how her thoughts are antiquated. Honestly no!

I think it’s a very matter of fact line and often I have felt the guilt of only spending one hour with my kids and just hugging them before jumping back on a conference line. So Yes, it’s actually a true statement. I have wondered why it feels like I am juggling the world to ONLY get an hour with the kids. Is it worth it?

What Mira says is actually true. Whether I like it or no, for us mothers the guilt follows no matter what our path.

Privilege of not working, privilege of making a choice of working, privilege of husbands pitching in, not having the privilege to choose, all aside. I think as mothers, if one thing we have not learned is being supportive of each other as mothers!

I have my own village of friends, my mom friends and it’s not based on if they work or not, it’s based on 'we genuinely like each other and have shared core values (yes cussing and bitching is also a shared common value)'.

Our friendship is based on ‘Please can you pick up my child since I am not well', It’s based on, “Can you talk to her, I am loosing it right now with her” Its based on 'I am just too tired today, can you please.. .' It’s based on ‘Let me pick up the school play costume for your daughter”.

Its a village of MY friends and trust me working or not has nothing to do with it. It’s just a support system in place.

I actually agree with every single thing Mira has said. So let me break up her lines and give my two cents...

Mira: I love being at home...

Garima: and I am sure she has to go out supporting her hotness-Greek- god- of- a- husband (Sumit, sorry!!!) in his media events, or running errands or whatever. Don’t we all?  I do love being home and just putting my feet up or folding laundry while Netflix binge watching on or just having a board game night with my friends and family!

Mira: I love being a mother to my child... 

Garima: I mean I have posts and posts gushing on them and gmail accounts filled to the brim with their pictures! I am who I am with my two beautiful kids in tow.

Mira: I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work... 

Garima: Oh yes, the mommy guilt. I even feel guilty when I am out with my girlfriends on a spa party (true, I just think of them a little less though while getting my nails done as compared to a conference call). It doesn’t mean I don’t live my life, but I do miss them. And I do wish I could pause time and just watch them sleep or just not be yelling 'Lets go we are late' ALL THE TIME!

Mira: Why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”... 

Garima: I have had this similar feeling more than I would like to confess! This one I differ a little though. I feel with whatever I do, work or not, I want to be there mentally, emotionally and physically for my child.

Currently I am a working mother of two, I have tried being a Stay at home mommy for two and that really didn’t work out well for me, I was really cranky all the time and snappy and generally nasty. I was there physically but not happy emotionally.

And I realized FOR MYSELF (Yes Sumit you can now say I-Told-You-So). I am better person and a happier person when I do something for myself, be it working, be it going to the gym, be it sleeping in, be it sending my kids for summer in India and reconnect with my partner in crime.

And I very strongly believe in, If I am happy, it shows and overall my family will be happier!!

My social media stream filled up with dishing Mira on a platter and saying 'Its' not the right example for the daughters, it’s not with today's age' etc etc. . I STRONGLY disagree; I am daughter of a home maker, a very strong, extremely well educated and really awesome example of a mother. And I think she has set an amazing example for me, and she reminds me and my sister in law often: working or not, Be yourself, be happy and you need to be there for your kids, for your family!

Me working right now does not make my choices wrong or right. It just makes it something that makes me happier, more content! Of course, I do fantasize about the other side, grass on the other side is always greener isn’t it?

More diplomatically, every mother is a working mother.

Trust me, food does not magically appear, snots don’t get magically cleaned up, laundry does not get magically folded, schedules don’t magically work like a well-oiled machine, homework’s don’t get turned in on time, family balance does not magically happen.

All mothers are working; it’s a lot of freaking work to be a mother, a parent!

Sometime you don't need to say 'I love you'

It was one of those days.... those tired long days where you are just exhausted and you still have a lot on your plate left...

It was one of those days and I am driving home around 6:30 pm with the two girls in the car listening in while I whine to my husband, "I am so tired tonight honey'. He acknowledges and says, 'I hear you, see you soon!'

I pull into the garage and climb up to the house and am left astounded.

The husband has done the following: moved his meetings around for an hour to complete dinner preparations and emptied the dishwasher and I am greeted with a quick peck on the cheek and he runs to get back on his work calls.

I was left speechless and misty eyed!

The Panini that night could not have tasted better!

This one evening was way more that any amount of "I Love you” s we have said to one another.

It's the empathy of " I understand”, it’s the acknowledgment of “It’s tough and I got your back” and it’s the true sense of feeling “We are in this together”

Miss V was quick to observe and say 'Thank you papa for dinner tonight'.

We all talk about gender equality, empowering our next generation of children but actions speak louder than words. I am hoping my girls realize that being in this world today: It’s the partnership and it’s the support of one another which makes a successful person, a successful spouse and a successful family.

Girl or Boy at this point really does not really matter.

Thank you Sumit for always being there for me and the girls and actually following the ideology you believe in so strongly!

I am partial to her, a lot. She is my child!

There are always two schools on thought on everything, some say, appreciate your child, it gives them a lot of confidence. Some say compliment but advise, they need the guidance and don’t need the re-enforcement.

I don’t know which school I follow with my daughters. I guess I never will know.

But I do know, I tell my Chatterbox, Miss V often, how proud I am of her and then at times, I tell her how silly she is (this generally is in my angry voice). I tell her often to not be over confident and then in gatherings not to be shy. Sometimes I yell at her for being 'such a child', sometimes I hug for being a child, my baby.

Bottom line, I KNOW I confuse her. But I hope deep down she knows, I love her! A lot. I wake up to her sneaking in my bed and hugging me. I can’t imagine starting my morning any other way!

My little Chatterbox (7 years old) was preparing her speech for 'Student Council & House Captain' last night. She wrote the speech and rehearsed it in about 2 hours. She enunciated, engaged with her pretend audience, made it exciting and smiled through her test run.

Last night while I tucked her in bed,

She asked me, "If I win, can I sleep in your bed?"

I replied: "Even if you lose you can sleep in my bed!"

She rolled her eyes and said: "Yeah yeah, I should just go and have fun" (My Smarty pants)

As I write this, she must be in school gearing up for giving her speech in front of primary school. I wonder what she is feeling. This morning, it was a combination of happiness and excitement for her. Me, however, I have had butterflies all morning! I could barely sleep last night since her video of the speech was playing in my mind in repeat mode.

Let me add, I am not anxious of the results, I am just amazed at this little wonder of mine.

But Miss V, My Chatterbox, is wise beyond her years. She is confident (sometimes over!), she can keep adults engaged in conversations (earlier I used to feel they are being polite, but now I see them coming over just to spend time with her!). She plays with little kids, her little sister and young friends follow her like a shadow. She loves hanging out with her friends and Sumit and I look forward to spending our lazy afternoons playing Scrabble with her.

She is sweet and yes, I know she is my daughter and I am partial to her, but hey in my school of thought: 'Be proud and share your pride'

India's Daughter

Yes, yet another Media Mention of the infamous documentary  India's Daughter.

When I sit to write about it, there are so many topics that come to mind, Poverty, Lack of education, Gender inequality, political media censorship, patriarchal society, judicial system, women safety and yes, Rape.

So instead of talking about all, I choose none. I will talk about how it all relates to my experiences growing up in a middle class simple Marwari family.

My maternal grandfather was a historian and a freedom fighter. He got married really early and has a family of 6 kids. 4 boys and 2 girls. My mom grew up in a small UP town and he mandated, 'My daughters will study'.  My maternal grandmother, not educated herself supported this and wanted the independent young girls in her family. She supported her older son's wife entire education after marriage. My mom did double MA (Masters of Art's). Much against the society norms in the 1950's 60's.

My maternal grandparents are a typical Marwari couple, conservative and yet very progressive.

My father, is one of 11 siblings, comes from a very simple and modest family of farmers. Having lost his dad at a very young age, he tells me stories of how much resistance he had to fight against him studying. He got support from one of his siblings and completed his education. His is the story of studying under street lights, living in cramped quarters with roommates and being focused on one thing: Education. He saw most women in his small town Rajasthan being house wives, girls being married really early and no support structure for women. But my mother tells me tales of my paternal grandmother, widowed really early brought up the 11 kids independently. This and my father’s education broadened his horizons and his perspective. His one hope for his kids: Education.

My parents form a very progressive couple. Growing up, they had similar rules for my brother and I. We had the same opportunities for education, lifestyle and extravagance. My brother now is an entrepreneur and as for me. I am an Engineer with a Masters in Engineering from one of the top 10 school in US.

But this story is not about my brother or me. 

It's about the foresight of our grandparents and parents. They didn’t follow societal norms. They followed the path of 'What's right'. They had a vision of their own family being educated, being equal and being independent.

I am sure they dreamt of having their kids in the best possible jobs, businesses and with happy families. And that is the best part: They thought of 'Their Kids' Not just sons! Kids.

It's Just Hair? Right? ... May be not

It's hair, its vanity, beauty, identity, depends on whom you ask. For my almost 7  6 year old, Chatter Box, 'It's my decision'

Let me elaborate.

For the last year, Miss V has been patiently growing her hair. For as long as I remember she has sported variations of the 'Dora Hairstyle'. They have been short, manageable. However most of the girls in her class have long hair. When I say long, waist long hair sporting buns, fish braids etc. Playing 'Salon Salon' in break time was the thing for the girls. And Miss V wanted in!

So she grew her hair, went for the customary 1/2 inch trims, but she grew them.  She understood the importance of good hair, so let me oil them, wash them, tend to them.

And oh yes, I was happy. It was like; I have a little doll who tells me each day what she wanted. One pony, two ponies, side pony, open hair, buns. I was happy waking a little bit earlier just to play comb her hair for being school ready.

She enjoyed the pampering as well.

Then one day, in art class, the hair came in way of painting. The hair started bothering her and she was not enjoying the detangling each morning and my nagging of 'lets keep them tied' (Gosh I am turning into my mother)

She said, I need a haircut.

I delayed it; oh let’s wait for Diwali Party. She agreed.

She said, I need a haircut.

I delayed it; oh let’s wait for our DC trip.

She said, I need a haircut.

I delayed it; oh let’s wait for the Dance Recital

She said, 'I need a haircut. It's my decision'.

And I agreed.

We went for her hair cut, removing 6 inches off her lovely long hair and she was happy.

She spent time on my phone looking for the cut she needed, decided the length she wanted and the minutia details of it all. I asked her 20 times at the salon ‘Are you sure?’

She said, I need a haircut.

I think one hair cut taught an important lesson to both of us:

'It may be just hair, but one does not need to conform to fit in' And I completely am enamored by my strong kiddo….. and No I am not looking forward to the teenage  years.

Her friends still sport the long hair, but she is happy. They still play ' Salon Salon' and she comes home with 'funky' clips. But she is happy.

But I am thoroughly enjoying watching her rocking the awesome A line bob!

Before:

After

Mother of two girls... and?

----------------------------------------- In the beginning---------------------------------------------------

Garima: A mother

People: Wow, congratulations, must be busy and hard.

In my mind: No, its easy, well I don’t know any better, this is what it's supposed to be I guess!

Garima: A mother of one girl

People: Girls are so precious. Am sure she will give you sleepless nights when she gets to her teens

 In my mind: Uh, why? My brother and I both must have given a lot of sleepless nights in our teens. But yes I agree, Kids are precious and my Little V more so for me

----------------------------------------- A few years later---------------------------------------------------

Garima: A mother of two girls

People: Wait what? Wow.

Generally look at Sumit and say: Time to get the second job and bulk up. You need the muscles to ward off boys.

Generally look at Garima and say: Time for the boy, may be third time's the charm!!

In my mind: What!!

My two girls are perfect. When we planned for our second, it was since it felt right for our family(and of course increase chaos), we didn’t even find out what gender the baby will be- goes to show, we didn’t care: Boy or Girl! So yeah.

Please, my kids are perfect to me and family is complete. If we do have a third kid and if that kids a boy, great and if that kids a girl: even better, I have a load of hand me downs already.

Kids are expensive, yes we know that. Trust me! But that does not mean my darling husband needs a second job, trust me we thought it through before we went down this path of parenthood. And bulk up?? Seriously?

I don’t think my dad was peeling boys away from me when I was in my teens. Bulk or no bulk, I was just fine and so was my dad. And I think my girls and Sumit will be fine as well.

Now gist: Phew!

It's a natural thing to ask: Two kids, boys or girls?

And then I would assume it's a natural thing to say: Good for you, can I see pictures? Let me know when I can meet them?

And if you ask, drop them off and head out to the movies..... We LOVE it!

And then move on to the next topic.

Why does us having two girls give us collective gasps or even hearing double trouble! Seriously?

 We live in 21st century right? Let me check the date again! Yes we do. So please Butt Out

Unnecessary Glorification

You know how it is, there is one good article/ one picture and it gets circulated. A Lot. on facebook, via whats app, via mail, via e-anything. So a simple picture becomes 'Glorified'

 Here it is.

 I saw it, and was very uncomfortable, but I let it go and didn't 'Like' it. It comes up on another Media outlet and before I know it, that one day, I see it every where.

And I kept growing more and more uncomfortable.

 And here is why

 To me, the picture signifies the following

1. The lady has a smile on her face while multi-tasking.

Seriously show me one person who can handle all the stuff without whining. Kids or no kids. It is unrealistic representation of a person. It makes it seem its okay to do all this and if you are not smiling- Shame On you.

 2. She looks more like a sacrificial lamb to me.

It makes whatever the lady is doing 'single handedly' look OK. And I want to stand up and shout. ITS NOT.

3. The guy below the lady has a 'Exclamation' on his head.

Seriously?? What is he amazed at how much the lady can do? Is he amazed that he has two hands which are useless. What?

It's images like these which seem regressive to me.

Yes on any given moment, like all of us, I wear multiple hats. May be of a parent, a corporate executive, a girl, a cook. But so does my husband. How about we create an image to glorify him? The father, a co-parent whose work generally goes un-noticed or un-glorified!

It's images like these which seem like they are judgmental.

I don’t think I do half of the things that a 'good mother' is supposed to.  I think I have ironed Sumit's shirts a total of 3 times in our time together. Does that make me a bad wife? 

I think not.

It's images like these that I NEVER want to show my girls. Never

A simple request

There are few people whose blog I read regularly. IHM or Indian Home Maker being on the forefront. She blogs about women in general, of how Indian women have to live by norms of society. Of how she is unknowingly controlled by other forces of how she is made to choose a path which might not be her preference. I follow IHM regularly and get amazed at the simplicity of her words, the kindness in the wisdom and above all the ability to speak the facts as is with no fluff, no diplomacy but just straight talk.
I am blessed to be born and raised in a family which did not differentiate between girls and boys. My husband is a primary advocate of women's right. There are times when he would just tell me point blank...get out of your conceived notions of how women should be, just be yourself. So yes, I am blessed and I don’t discount the strength that my parents, my in-laws or my better half have given me to be myself no matter what.
IHM talks about the girls who don’t get the freedom to be themselves. She raises awareness and she talks and breaks norms and does it not for herself but for people to see two sides of the coin. For people to realize that by controlling all you are doing is hurting. She has inspired hundreds of people in the blogging world and in the real world to be strong and be okay with speaking your mind.
Today she posted about her own personal crisis... and all she is asking is for prayers, for her daughter who is suddenly sick with Dengue fever and is battling life and death in ICU. For her daughter who is blessed to have a mother like IHM. For a parent there is no bigger pain than seeing a child suffer. I can only imagine how hard it was for her to post about it. All I am asking my readers today, whether you now, read, follow IHM or no.. Please pray for her daughter's well being.

A simple request...Please pray.

Dont' just wish it..feel it!

Buzz Buzz Buzz.. There has been so much talk about Women's Day, about Women's rights and Women's liberation and achievements and so on.
It’s in print, in paper, in news, in media everywhere. But the minute the day is gone. It’s done with right? Women's Day is turning out to be like a Hallmark Day now on. You probably know, I am sucker for all " Hallmark Days " I see no harm! I think it’s fun and cute.
But what turned me off was, the sheer "marketing" of this unique day. International Women's Day (8 March) is a global day celebrating the economic, political and social achievements of women past, present and future.
It’s not about wishing women you see around: “Oh, by the way, Happy Women’s Day” I retorted “What’s that”. Response: “Oh, just a day where the Women feel good about being themselves and all the feministic beliefs you gals keep talking about”. Needless to say, the person got a mindful and has been avoiding me in hallways now!
On a lighter note, I was be surprised at how many emails, FB messages and personal notes I saw around on Women's Day. Some were fabulous, some were witty and some were just simply put. All drove the same point: "Happy Women's Day". Urgh!
Did I do anything different? Did you do anything different for yourself or for the women around you? Probably not. Right?
Sadly, none of the media reports I read and saw highlighted what this day meant! Am I being rude, possibly?
Now, being a woman myself, I strongly believe in our equality and our individuality. My friend Priyanka words it best ! I have to completely agree with her that the minute we talk about Women's Empowerment, we are calling them the weaker sex.
Having said all that, if there is Women's day to commemorate us... is there a Man's day? Apparently there, is November 19th: international's man's day. Hmm. It’s already marked on my calendar. I will surely look for my hallway chap, and wish him “Happy Men’s Day. Oh, it’s a day where you continue to be a #@#$!@#%!%#$” Ok, excuse my tone! A “Good Woman” will be polite and forgive and forget! ;-)

For me, I consider men and women to be equal. In all forays in all spaces and in all fields. There is no " Man thing, Woman thing ". That’s how I was brought up, that’s how my family is and that’s just the way it is. Why- Because it’s natural!