Monday, November 9, 2009

Crossing of the boundary!!!!

SD and I share a common passion with the outdoors, with socializing and with anything that involves having a good time. We love to do all this with V. By now, she is used to meeting all our friends, she is getting used to being picked up, being pampered and doted on. Above all she seems to enjoy it as well!
After having V, so far we have been successful at striking a balance between toddler activities and things we like to do
. The following is a very common day in our house: Day will be the zoo, evening will be the park, and once V is asleep and being watched by her grandparents, SD and I head out, for plays, for friends, for lounges, for the "grown up" stuff as we tell V.
This weekend, very sadly, I mixed the two. For the first time in two years and have been super guilty of it!
There is no other way to say this but that SD and I enjoy a good game of poker. Our winter weekends are well spent with friends who share our passion! But, there was a golden rule: We play only when V is sleeping or napping.
For a lot of reasons, yesterday the game started when V was awake. It was fine, we were at a friends and V had her play dates she loves to hang out with! She was super cool; no troubles, was happily eating, playing with her toys, her play date and singing merrily. She was oblivious of the fact that a bunch of adults were on the poker table and really hoping that the kids’ don’t come and read out the cards!
Of course she would come to me, if something was not right ="the toddler toy phone not opening, She was not sharing her snacks with her play date and other similar toddler troubles" And yes, I would tend to them. Would resolve the conflict and would get up to fix there snacks, wipe the mouths, hands, feet, and be back in time to make my "check/bet" SD would the same as well.
But I was torn; though I was on a roll, and winning my hands. As our friends said: "The distraction with her helped my poker face" I was at the same time not engaging her enough. Yes I would tell her be right there, but then I would wait until the flop and then rush to her.
So you get my evening, I was torn in my own pleasure and my amazing toddlers play time. Even though I consider myself a good multi tasker, so far I have not multi tasked with V's play time with my play time. (Yes the laundry, dinner, cleaning doesn’t count as multi tasking with V time! Wink!)
Phew, Don’t judge me, I did get her changed, did her bed time routine and put her to bed per schedule (Yes, in the middle of the game!) Thank god, our friends are super awesome and understand this! But yes, I did feel and am still feeling the guilt of messing the golden rule up.
The sad part is, I can’t say, something similar won’t happen again. There will be super bowls, walks, plays which will need this crossing of the "play times". I have to let go a bit and realize that she is growing up as well and does not need the constant engagement. She may actually enjoy reading her book by herself sometimes.
At the same time, I have to understand that with all the hard work SD and I put in during the week, its okay for us to enjoy our "grown up" activities with V awake. I don’t become a bad parent just because I let her be with messy hands for an additional minute.

Or at least that’s what I am telling myself


Priyanka Rajkhowa said...

All I can say, objectively and without the experience of motherhood, is that as V grows up, you will definitely have to gradually let go and you will have to learn to do that without feeling guilty about it...It may actually be a good idea starting to let go by doing it the way you did at poker night...being around if she needs you, but at the same time not fussing over her continuously...but I may be completely wrong on would now better :-)

Lakshmi said...

We try to be consistent with our children's schedule and plan our things around them too. I have seen lot of parents who let their kids be around in all activities and kids pick up and adjust to it naturally. V will be ok ;) Nothing bad in crossing the boundary!

GNSD said...

Priyanka... Are you sure there is no kid hiding in the closet.. since the comment sounded like a seasoned mom!!! Yes i hear you, i think i have to stop freaking out as much! And actually be okay with just letting her be and enjoy her games!
Laksmi, I think one thing that we are consistent with is her sleep times. Besides that, we try to involve her in as much stuff as possible. Main culprit being the weather- IT does get super cold in winters.. so the indoors time is well spent with her involved!