Email: "We Lost"

On a lazy weekend afternoon we are walking around downtown with the little lady enjoying the 1:1 time we rarely get with her. 

I get an email from Miss V from her Robotics competition Reading "We Lost". I show my slightly shattered phone screen to Sumit saying: I think we should go to her competition to support her and cheer her up. Losing is tough always!

Along with her team Miss V has been working to compete in FLL, A city wide Lego Robotic competition. It is her first time and is a team of middle school kids: 6th, 7th and 8th graders all working for a common goal.

Now, back to the afternoon: We reach the school and all 12 participating teams and the supporting parents/ guardians coaches are all seated on the gym bleachers awaiting the results. I was expecting sad long faces, but no, they were sitting beside each other and cheering the other one on! 

I was left astounded. Here I came prepared with pep talks and cheer up messages in my head and the kids were fine!

The Award presentation ceremony begins!

Such amazing sportsmanship seen from all teams and such little kids is unbelievable. You can see the sadness in their faces when their team is not called out, but you also see their immense happiness for other teams as they go to pick up the trophies. So much to learn from this generation.

From the sidelines of the bleachers, I see my daughter with her team crossing their fingers! The younger siblings crossing everything and being there mini cheer leaders! And they describe the next category "Judges Award: "Allows the judges the freedom to recognize remarkable teams that stand out for reasons other than the Required Award categories."

And the winner is…….. Drum roll Drum roll….. Miss V and her Team

WOWZA!!! Of Course I am misty eyed, I do the proud parents "wohoo" and hold my husband's hand a little tighter. Her team also qualifies for the State Championships!

Man, this is one roller coaster evening!

The hi-fives continue, the cheering continues and the customary pictures are clicked. The smiles stay frozen on each and every one of their faces.
 

And her email which made us rush to school was : "We Lost"

In the evening, we talked about that one email, she said the following "I was really mad and upset after the final round. And then we realized we had nothing to loose after the final round, so we kept our spirits up, played games and just relaxed a little. We had worked so hard. It was amazing just to compete. And of course winning is unbelievable"

She did learn a very important life lesson in those 12 hours herself ."Keep trying, be consistent and win or loose, it does not really matter. Just keep trying. You will be fine".

Be Inspired: Our Girls. Our future.

Summer is a season of BBQ's, Cold Drinks, Park shenanigans and this Chicago Summer is unpredictable weather wise.
We have been literally making hay when the sun shines!

At one such BBQ evening with friends, I had one of the most inspiring discussion with a friends mom, lets call her Mrs N. An accomplished lawyer, a musician, an art dabbler and over all a very well read lady.
Along with my 11 years old and Mrs N, we were discussing American politics, the current volatility and the tolerance levels of people.
This is right up the alley for Miss V, my 11 year old. She said: "My schools motto is Honor Diversity" and Mrs N said, "that's wonderful, but I really want to be in a place where we don't have to talk about these things, be it honoring diversity, women's rights etc. It should just be "normal".

True.

This led to an even more interesting discussion on how change can be bought. And Mrs N. told my 11 year old and all of us something which left us speechless and really made us ponder. Her statement was:
"One can protest by standing and picketing and holding bill boards, yes. But one can also initiate change by being in the position of power or using the power one does have to do something more impact-ful". 
To which Miss V was quick to chime "The louder one screams the lesser the impact on the issue at hand!"

Like I said, I left inspired. She recanted a story to us from her childhood on how and why she became a lawyer, which was around the Nixon Impeachment and her absolute devotion to the American Constitution was clear.
Mrs N. was telling Miss V : "We need more women, More smarter girls choosing the path of becoming a lawyer barbecue you have the ability to be neutral, to be impactful and to be just. No one can take that away from you"

Miss V i think just hovered around Mrs. N the rest of the evening.
Like I said, summer BBQ's are amazing and also this one was for a special occasion and left me
feeling very inspired and I think whatever path Miss V and my Little Lady choose, I know that our girls can have any future they dream of and work towards!

This was the perfect way to start a Chicago Summer

Femi-Nazi….. No Thank You Please!

Here is what Mira Rajput, Shahid Kapoor's wife said" “I love being at home, I love being a mother to my child, I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work, why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”

 

Does her line bother me? Like the hoards of posts out there, of how her thoughts are antiquated. Honestly no!

I think it’s a very matter of fact line and often I have felt the guilt of only spending one hour with my kids and just hugging them before jumping back on a conference line. So Yes, it’s actually a true statement. I have wondered why it feels like I am juggling the world to ONLY get an hour with the kids. Is it worth it?

What Mira says is actually true. Whether I like it or no, for us mothers the guilt follows no matter what our path.

Privilege of not working, privilege of making a choice of working, privilege of husbands pitching in, not having the privilege to choose, all aside. I think as mothers, if one thing we have not learned is being supportive of each other as mothers!

I have my own village of friends, my mom friends and it’s not based on if they work or not, it’s based on 'we genuinely like each other and have shared core values (yes cussing and bitching is also a shared common value)'.

Our friendship is based on ‘Please can you pick up my child since I am not well', It’s based on, “Can you talk to her, I am loosing it right now with her” Its based on 'I am just too tired today, can you please.. .' It’s based on ‘Let me pick up the school play costume for your daughter”.

Its a village of MY friends and trust me working or not has nothing to do with it. It’s just a support system in place.

I actually agree with every single thing Mira has said. So let me break up her lines and give my two cents...

Mira: I love being at home...

Garima: and I am sure she has to go out supporting her hotness-Greek- god- of- a- husband (Sumit, sorry!!!) in his media events, or running errands or whatever. Don’t we all?  I do love being home and just putting my feet up or folding laundry while Netflix binge watching on or just having a board game night with my friends and family!

Mira: I love being a mother to my child... 

Garima: I mean I have posts and posts gushing on them and gmail accounts filled to the brim with their pictures! I am who I am with my two beautiful kids in tow.

Mira: I wouldn’t want to spend one hour a day with my child and rush off to work... 

Garima: Oh yes, the mommy guilt. I even feel guilty when I am out with my girlfriends on a spa party (true, I just think of them a little less though while getting my nails done as compared to a conference call). It doesn’t mean I don’t live my life, but I do miss them. And I do wish I could pause time and just watch them sleep or just not be yelling 'Lets go we are late' ALL THE TIME!

Mira: Why did I have her? She is not a puppy; I want to be there for her as a mother.”... 

Garima: I have had this similar feeling more than I would like to confess! This one I differ a little though. I feel with whatever I do, work or not, I want to be there mentally, emotionally and physically for my child.

Currently I am a working mother of two, I have tried being a Stay at home mommy for two and that really didn’t work out well for me, I was really cranky all the time and snappy and generally nasty. I was there physically but not happy emotionally.

And I realized FOR MYSELF (Yes Sumit you can now say I-Told-You-So). I am better person and a happier person when I do something for myself, be it working, be it going to the gym, be it sleeping in, be it sending my kids for summer in India and reconnect with my partner in crime.

And I very strongly believe in, If I am happy, it shows and overall my family will be happier!!

My social media stream filled up with dishing Mira on a platter and saying 'Its' not the right example for the daughters, it’s not with today's age' etc etc. . I STRONGLY disagree; I am daughter of a home maker, a very strong, extremely well educated and really awesome example of a mother. And I think she has set an amazing example for me, and she reminds me and my sister in law often: working or not, Be yourself, be happy and you need to be there for your kids, for your family!

Me working right now does not make my choices wrong or right. It just makes it something that makes me happier, more content! Of course, I do fantasize about the other side, grass on the other side is always greener isn’t it?

More diplomatically, every mother is a working mother.

Trust me, food does not magically appear, snots don’t get magically cleaned up, laundry does not get magically folded, schedules don’t magically work like a well-oiled machine, homework’s don’t get turned in on time, family balance does not magically happen.

All mothers are working; it’s a lot of freaking work to be a mother, a parent!

India's Daughter

Yes, yet another Media Mention of the infamous documentary  India's Daughter.

When I sit to write about it, there are so many topics that come to mind, Poverty, Lack of education, Gender inequality, political media censorship, patriarchal society, judicial system, women safety and yes, Rape.

So instead of talking about all, I choose none. I will talk about how it all relates to my experiences growing up in a middle class simple Marwari family.

My maternal grandfather was a historian and a freedom fighter. He got married really early and has a family of 6 kids. 4 boys and 2 girls. My mom grew up in a small UP town and he mandated, 'My daughters will study'.  My maternal grandmother, not educated herself supported this and wanted the independent young girls in her family. She supported her older son's wife entire education after marriage. My mom did double MA (Masters of Art's). Much against the society norms in the 1950's 60's.

My maternal grandparents are a typical Marwari couple, conservative and yet very progressive.

My father, is one of 11 siblings, comes from a very simple and modest family of farmers. Having lost his dad at a very young age, he tells me stories of how much resistance he had to fight against him studying. He got support from one of his siblings and completed his education. His is the story of studying under street lights, living in cramped quarters with roommates and being focused on one thing: Education. He saw most women in his small town Rajasthan being house wives, girls being married really early and no support structure for women. But my mother tells me tales of my paternal grandmother, widowed really early brought up the 11 kids independently. This and my father’s education broadened his horizons and his perspective. His one hope for his kids: Education.

My parents form a very progressive couple. Growing up, they had similar rules for my brother and I. We had the same opportunities for education, lifestyle and extravagance. My brother now is an entrepreneur and as for me. I am an Engineer with a Masters in Engineering from one of the top 10 school in US.

But this story is not about my brother or me. 

It's about the foresight of our grandparents and parents. They didn’t follow societal norms. They followed the path of 'What's right'. They had a vision of their own family being educated, being equal and being independent.

I am sure they dreamt of having their kids in the best possible jobs, businesses and with happy families. And that is the best part: They thought of 'Their Kids' Not just sons! Kids.

Mother of two girls... and?

----------------------------------------- In the beginning---------------------------------------------------

Garima: A mother

People: Wow, congratulations, must be busy and hard.

In my mind: No, its easy, well I don’t know any better, this is what it's supposed to be I guess!

Garima: A mother of one girl

People: Girls are so precious. Am sure she will give you sleepless nights when she gets to her teens

 In my mind: Uh, why? My brother and I both must have given a lot of sleepless nights in our teens. But yes I agree, Kids are precious and my Little V more so for me

----------------------------------------- A few years later---------------------------------------------------

Garima: A mother of two girls

People: Wait what? Wow.

Generally look at Sumit and say: Time to get the second job and bulk up. You need the muscles to ward off boys.

Generally look at Garima and say: Time for the boy, may be third time's the charm!!

In my mind: What!!

My two girls are perfect. When we planned for our second, it was since it felt right for our family(and of course increase chaos), we didn’t even find out what gender the baby will be- goes to show, we didn’t care: Boy or Girl! So yeah.

Please, my kids are perfect to me and family is complete. If we do have a third kid and if that kids a boy, great and if that kids a girl: even better, I have a load of hand me downs already.

Kids are expensive, yes we know that. Trust me! But that does not mean my darling husband needs a second job, trust me we thought it through before we went down this path of parenthood. And bulk up?? Seriously?

I don’t think my dad was peeling boys away from me when I was in my teens. Bulk or no bulk, I was just fine and so was my dad. And I think my girls and Sumit will be fine as well.

Now gist: Phew!

It's a natural thing to ask: Two kids, boys or girls?

And then I would assume it's a natural thing to say: Good for you, can I see pictures? Let me know when I can meet them?

And if you ask, drop them off and head out to the movies..... We LOVE it!

And then move on to the next topic.

Why does us having two girls give us collective gasps or even hearing double trouble! Seriously?

 We live in 21st century right? Let me check the date again! Yes we do. So please Butt Out

Unnecessary Glorification

You know how it is, there is one good article/ one picture and it gets circulated. A Lot. on facebook, via whats app, via mail, via e-anything. So a simple picture becomes 'Glorified'

 Here it is.

 I saw it, and was very uncomfortable, but I let it go and didn't 'Like' it. It comes up on another Media outlet and before I know it, that one day, I see it every where.

And I kept growing more and more uncomfortable.

 And here is why

 To me, the picture signifies the following

1. The lady has a smile on her face while multi-tasking.

Seriously show me one person who can handle all the stuff without whining. Kids or no kids. It is unrealistic representation of a person. It makes it seem its okay to do all this and if you are not smiling- Shame On you.

 2. She looks more like a sacrificial lamb to me.

It makes whatever the lady is doing 'single handedly' look OK. And I want to stand up and shout. ITS NOT.

3. The guy below the lady has a 'Exclamation' on his head.

Seriously?? What is he amazed at how much the lady can do? Is he amazed that he has two hands which are useless. What?

It's images like these which seem regressive to me.

Yes on any given moment, like all of us, I wear multiple hats. May be of a parent, a corporate executive, a girl, a cook. But so does my husband. How about we create an image to glorify him? The father, a co-parent whose work generally goes un-noticed or un-glorified!

It's images like these which seem like they are judgmental.

I don’t think I do half of the things that a 'good mother' is supposed to.  I think I have ironed Sumit's shirts a total of 3 times in our time together. Does that make me a bad wife? 

I think not.

It's images like these that I NEVER want to show my girls. Never

A simple request

There are few people whose blog I read regularly. IHM or Indian Home Maker being on the forefront. She blogs about women in general, of how Indian women have to live by norms of society. Of how she is unknowingly controlled by other forces of how she is made to choose a path which might not be her preference. I follow IHM regularly and get amazed at the simplicity of her words, the kindness in the wisdom and above all the ability to speak the facts as is with no fluff, no diplomacy but just straight talk.
I am blessed to be born and raised in a family which did not differentiate between girls and boys. My husband is a primary advocate of women's right. There are times when he would just tell me point blank...get out of your conceived notions of how women should be, just be yourself. So yes, I am blessed and I don’t discount the strength that my parents, my in-laws or my better half have given me to be myself no matter what.
IHM talks about the girls who don’t get the freedom to be themselves. She raises awareness and she talks and breaks norms and does it not for herself but for people to see two sides of the coin. For people to realize that by controlling all you are doing is hurting. She has inspired hundreds of people in the blogging world and in the real world to be strong and be okay with speaking your mind.
Today she posted about her own personal crisis... and all she is asking is for prayers, for her daughter who is suddenly sick with Dengue fever and is battling life and death in ICU. For her daughter who is blessed to have a mother like IHM. For a parent there is no bigger pain than seeing a child suffer. I can only imagine how hard it was for her to post about it. All I am asking my readers today, whether you now, read, follow IHM or no.. Please pray for her daughter's well being.

A simple request...Please pray.

My Naani and her love for Education

My Naani and her love for Education

I come from a simple family, a Marwari family.
My maternal grandmother- my Naani is a very simple but a very strong woman. She herself was not educated, I think till 4th or 5th grade. She got married very young as well. When she was in her teens I think. My Nana amongst a lot of other things was very supportive, a humanitarian and an open mind. My Naani had kids at a very early age. 6 total 4 boys followed by 2 girls. She always tells me, Your Nana and I were too young to realize any choices, for us it was a way of life. Everyone around us followed a pre-set path of life: For girls, Grow up, get married, enjoy a fulfilling family life. For boys: Study, get into business, get married and reap benefits of a beautiful family. Simple. She didn’t know there were schools for girls, since in the small town she grew up, there were none.
However after her marriage, she moved a bigger town. And realized what she had missed out on. My Nana, to be helpful would teach her to read and write. My Naani, is very intelligent and very religious and always striving to learn. She used the newfound love for books and read about religion. She learned at the same time that she was teaching her kids. She was sure: "So what if I didn’t study, I will ensure my kids will!" All 6 of her kids (Boys and Girls) would study. And all of them did. They excelled. All 6 of them, graduated. First in the community! One was an engineer, a lawyer, an accountant and so on. My mother did her MA in political science and was a topper. The extended family raised an eyebrow, told my Naani often: "Oh, your daughters will never get married, they are so educated". My Naani would listen and not get affected. My nana would smile and say, well at least they have wealth of lifetime: An Education. My mother and her sister got married- yes without dowry of course and to very qualified and highly educated men. The extended family did shut up!
My Naani never differentiated between boys and girls. Same rules applied to both. When her eldest son got married, the wife was not a graduate. My Naani supported her studies. Post marriage, her oldest daughter in law completed her graduate and post graduate degree. My Naani took care of the family, the grandkids, the kids and extended family. She wanted to have her kids be focused on the core things: Education, Religion, good Virtues.
My mother takes after my Naani. She found support in my father who is much more educationally inclined. My brother and I were raised with a very similar philosophy. When I told my parents about my inclination to complete my masters in United States; they say: It was the proudest moment for them. Once again, extended family was unsure: "Sending unmarried girl to US- only calls for trouble. She will be over educated! Get her married and then send her. What if she marries a Gora!" To all this, my Naani and my mother said: "So what, if she marries a Gora! She would have followed her dream of studying"
For my Naani- I was the first grand daughter going abroad for studies. I was the fruit of the "Love for Education" seed she had put in over 50 years ago. She is very proud of us. As a family matriarch, she has a very big family. She takes pride in saying: 3 of my grandsons are Engineers, 5 of my grand daughters are MA with honors, All her daughter in laws are graduates, even the same for her grand daughter in law’s 3 are CA's, 2 are CFA's, 2 are business owners and so on! I can see the pride in her eyes and the simplicity in her wisdom.
I have the right tools, the right virtues and have felt very strongly about "Women Education" I come from a family of strong educated and simple women. I only wish to continue the same legacy in my daughter and our future generations. I would like to submit this entry to the Indus Indus ladies International Women’s Day Blog Contest". Though its very close to the deadline, I nominate :Priyanka,Suba,Tina