Monday, September 28, 2009

Alone times or Lonely times..

There are some couples I know, who love to do everything together, work, activities,
Shopping etc. I have never seen one without the other person. The lady shakes her head off every time we recommend a girls only night. She said, what’s the need for that, let rather go out with the guys.. Hmm! The husband seems to enjoy it as well. Seems always anxious to be around the spouse and so on. When I first met them, I found it cute. I still do!
I don’t know if I can do that. SD and I both love to do new things together, do something the other one enjoys, and cherish others company (I mean we got married for a such reasons!). We both have learned to enjoy the others interests; for example, this year i am looking forward to the football season.. to cheer along with him and enjoy the game nights. He actually watches some of my favorite series. I have tried my hand at golf.. and he is going to very soon try the jump! (Rolling eyes!) You get the idea, as couples we do stuff together even if it was not our primary interest. But at the same time, i cant imagine doing everything together.

At a recent do, SD asked a friend of ours to join him for Sunday morning golf and added he had already hit the range on Saturday morning. The girls oohed and aahed and looked at me:” Are you okay with this?" I was thoroughly confused: "Him going out for golf.. hell yes". Someone chimed "But two days in a row!" And I said- Hmm.. why not. Conversations changed quickly. (Thankfully!)
But it got me thinking, does it make me weird by not wanting to spend every weekend minute with him. By not objecting to his weekend golf rounds. (In my mind, I am already relaxing in the play area with V and singing our songs). Of course there are times when I have asked him to not go out for cricket or golf.. just cuz i wanted him around the house, or just because! But more often than not, I love it when he is out for the sports which he enjoys. Why not.
He does the same, encourages me for my girl night outs, my cooking expeditions (Yes once in a while.. all i want to do is cook some hearty meal on a Saturday morning!), shopping trips (which i am sure, he thanks my GF's profusely for!) or may be just me wanting to be snooze...while he takes V to the park. Bottom line, both of us enjoy our time with other activities.. and not necessarily together!
It doesn’t mean, we don’t miss the other person! So far, luckily for us, we are completely okay doing something without the other person. It can be as simple as curling up on the couch to read a book, while the other is out. SD calls it "lone time". Rightly so.

In my na├»ve years, someone once told me, if one looks for alone time in a relationship, it’s headed for loneliness in the long run. As a couple, one must be ready and willing to spend all the time together.
Now, I am not so sure about that... It might be love evolving . To each there own, I think it perfectly fine to be doing everything together, something’s together whatever adds the spark in the relationship, whatever makes you wink after you are all dressed up to go out, whatever makes you smile when you see the other walk though the door!

Enjoy your time at golf, spas, dinners, drinks, bowling... Whatever together and separately…but make sure to share stories... Its always fun for me to know if SD's team kicked ass in cricket ;-)


Anonymous said...

I can definitely understand the feelings....believe in doing some things together and giving each other time to cherish whatever they like individually, whether its a game of poker, or grabbing a beer.

I think being together, without having to be together all the time is the way to go.

Lakshmi said...

Totally agree on the need for alone times. I too have friends who just do not come on girls lunches, period. Like you say to their own. But I am one who believes that alone time is worth it. Nothing like talking out with friends or just taking a walk with them or a movie or a lunch :)

Priyanka Rajkhowa said...

I hear you Garima...both D and I believe in giving each other ample space to do stuff which just one of us enjoys while the other doesn't...frankly,I feel life would be boring if each of us didnt' have enough space to do stuff, interact socially and form perspectives , independent of the Amen it is :-)

GNSD said...

@Anon... i know who you are ;-) But yes.... everything needs to be balanced out..

@Lakshmi.... Movie... hmm.. time to call my gf's for a nice chick flick.. its been ages since i have seen one!!!

@Priyanka.. yup.. independent of other.. i still remember that one time we girls headed out.. the guys were so chilled at your place.. i think they got kicked out of pool or something.. ;-)

Ashish said...

Thats why I am a member on a Bowling Team in the WHR League and the once in a while poker nights. Prithi does not mind it at all.

GNSD said...

@Ashinsh... a bowling league.. OMG... didnt know! Yup... A balance is perfect. Some distance does make the heart grow fonder